true consecreation...

so i'm not sure how to say this. everything's changed. with this morning. we watched a video in the sermon and it was a compilation of a whole bunch of famous pastors giving speeches about what it really means to be a Christian, and why it is important. One part read something like this: "Are you saved? Not saved from hell. Saved from lust, saved from anger, saved from immorality, saved from..." another part sounded like "If any of you are a real Christian, you have probably said something like this: God, I'm willing to give everything to follow you and even if i end up going to hell, i will continue to follow you, because You are worthy and You are deserving of this. And i'm not trying to make a deal with You." that last part is important because so many, like myself, turn to God for the blessings that are supposed to result. so that they can be happy, or so that they can make someone think they are better, or so that they will get girls (which is something i've done in about the past month). but you know why we should follow Christ? because He is worthy. because He went through hell for us so that we could be with Him and not hold anything back - be completely His.

that's why we go on missions. it's not for our own sake - to prove that we are good or to show others that we are good and, in fact, better than they. and it is not for them either - it is not so that we can civilize the uncivilized and bring fortune to the unfortunate or life to the dead. it is because God went through hell so that He could have them, and He wants them - it is a kind of selfish love. Today, God was a Lion. He was ferocious and so in love and so passionate, and He was worthy. There's this song called "I Lay Down my Life" and the chorus goes to say that I lay down my life to win for the Lamb the rewards of His suffering. To win the lost, to take up the cross. that is why we go on missions. to get God who He died for - not to prove ourselves or show others some kind of new life. but as simple as that God wants them, and God is justified and glorious and deserving and worthy of having them. so everything we do should fall into line with what God wants us to do, and in fact, God wants all of us. God wants our minds and our hearts to be fastened and focused on Him, and He wants us to love each other and not be malicious and not do things of the flesh...everytime we choose to do otherwise, we have denied God. we have not surrendered our rights - we have said to God that we still have a right to ourselves. we have also essentially said to God, You don't have all of me. and we say "i can't help myself," but in reality, we have to, and it's God's wrath that results if we don't.

as a verse says, "you are not your own. you were bought at a price."

at another time, one of the pastors on the video said, "the world didn't get along with the holiest man alive. how is that the world can get along with us. is it compromise? is it compromise?" it is...because, we won't stand up for His name. really started to belittle the idea that someone might reject me for speaking God's name (in fact, this is pretty much inevitable to the real Christian - right? it's everywhere in the gospels, "when you get persecuted for my Name"). i don't know why it bugged so much. i don't know how i'm gonna do ministry anymore. i might just start talking to someone about God, and i shouldn't be bothered by what they think of me. man, is that not so obvious? it's what God thinks about you, right? well, i used to not want to be the aggressor. simply to have people come to me. i think that is wrong now. we cannot stay in our own little worlds of luxury and convenience and supposedly established faith - we have to go out into the world and show it to others, because if someone needs help, what are the real odds that they are going to turn to something so isolated like a Christian community?

another thing...talking about two missionaries who sold everything they had into lifetime slavery so that they could minster to thousands of slaves who never knew the name of God before. absolutely no interest this life - none at all. practically suicide. i am not even kidding - such a thing is unheard of. we have so many back-up plans, so many things to fall back on. well these missionaries didn't. and once they did that, there was no turning back. they had to have known they were right, and believed it. we have that privilege as well.

everything i do, i don't want to do it for myself, and i don't want to do it for others. only for God's sake. i want to cut the crap and the excess, the self-deception and the judging and the competitive mentality and just get to God. and run as hard as i can, as strong as i can, because that's what He calls us to do. to persevere through challenges and allow ourselves to be changed by Him. to do as much as we can to get away from ourselves, from the idea of pride, from the idea of justifying ourselves. the very end of the video read this: "The question is not, 'are you challenged?' the question is, 'are you changed?'"

and i think this is true, because whatever life you live, no matter who you are, you will have to face challenges, and it will be up to you to decide if you are going to walk and take a break or if you are going to keep going, even if it feels like the wrong thing, but to keep pressing on to the end. this rises up the college question again...and now, who cares about comfort? why should i care whether i go to OU or Rice because the food's better or the people are better or Houston is better? why should i ever care about being comfortable - besides, i know that my necessities are going to be met wherever it is i am led. the real question is where is God? is God blessing OU for me? or Rice? if so, then shouldn't i make it more than my top priority to get there? then God will get what He wants. and this is only important because He is worthy. because He went through hell to get us, and to deny Him is the same as saying that He isn't worth it.