momentum (beatmart remix)

my friend said he would go to DFC on friday morning because it was friday and it was okay if he was tired for the weekend; i was thrilled to see him there, along with the whole group of DFC attendees. but i think i am beginning to see what he was talking about, because last night, i slept something like 11 or 12 hours...i don't know how long i slept because i don't know how or when i actually fell asleep. i don't really get it. but thank the Lord, because sleeping that long is not only refreshing, but it's fun (this coming from a sleep-deprived high school student)

today was church. i think i need to stop thinking about things...like stop looking at things through a competition lens or an "i don't like you" lens or a "what's your deal?" lens, because i am doing that a lot lately. it occurs that i hardly know what people have to go through, so quite possibly the worst thing i could do is judge them, and do so only to inflate myself. Most possibly the best thing i could do is be Jesus to them, show God, show Godlike qualities, show them what God would have done...embrace them.

i remember when i loved someone...i think it was love, and it was the night i turned 17. it was great because when i looked this person, she could do no wrong. and even if she turned away from me, i didn't respond like "if you turn away from me, i'll do the same to you," i just thought it was something that i did, and i would have given a lot just so that she wouldn't ignore me. that was weird because it's not what i do anymore. i see people like "what's your deal?" or "i'm better than you" or "that's so immature." and in fact, i proved it wasn't even unconditional love, because the next time i got ignored, i lashed back, at least in my heart.

when we say that God is our only priority, our only desire - this means that we have released a desire to be comfortable, to be happy, to be well-rested or anything really. we have let go of a need to be satisfied, a need to know that things are in your control, that things are rational even. we need to make sure we don't isolate ourselves again. as Christians, we can't stay isolated in our homes, thinking "if someone comes to me, i'll totally show Christ to them." but we're supposed to go out, we're supposed to leave our cities on our hill and go to the people and live in their conditions, but not budge on God - we have to show them God in everything we do. Pastor Ron preached a little bit ago about how this is the heart of the missionary - that he goes and lives under the same conditions as the people he is ministering to, but he doesn't change his identity. he is actively communicating God in what he does - just because the circumstances change, this doesn't mean that he has to.

friday night's lesson was about making decisions - and how they are everywhere and even making an excuse is a decision because it is giving away your choice of decision and kind of going with wherever the flow is going. how, in practically everything, we can say "i choose God, and by doing this, i believe i am taking a step forward towards God." mike also talked about autopilot and how it is essentially when you're just going through life and you're not making active choices towards God. how being on autopilot is sorta like having a calloused heart - and if God has to shout towards your heart and you barely hear Him, you know that there's something wrong going on. today, Mike spoke about remembering God in everything you do - that when you pray, you are only doing so because that is what God said, and it is essentially a reflection of communion - His bread and His body. and when you do little, minute things like take showers or clean yourself, you are mirroring what He stands for - purity, cleanliness, without blemish. how in all the little things we have gotten used to doing, we should remember God in doing them, because by doing so, we are only truly glorifying Him.

girls are a problem. i don't know what i am doing. it doesn't seem like i should have a problem talking to any of them, but i keep on feeling that they are so different from me so that i have to change myself or they won't like me. and i can't talk about normal stuff, like "oh man, i'm so tired" or "dude, basketball was so fun" because i can't even say 'dude.' and i don't want to come off as an insensitive jerk, but i also don't want to come off as someone who doesn't know what they're doing, or is someone who's nervous to be talking to a girl, or is someone who is using them for some kind of desire. but, if you ask God, He's winning me over, because i have had the honor of being mostly lust free (by my standards...does that mean anything? not exactly) for about a week. i would hate to go back. i really would. praise be to God.