Tostitos Fiesta 2

i guess i can feel like an idiot now that i've realized that Boise State actually came back to win the Fiesta Bowl over OU, so i guess you can pretty much forget about the first two paragraphs of that last entry. apparently the fat lady wasn't singing with a minute and a half to go in the game - she was waiting for Boise State to score a touchdown on a crazy trick play, then to let Adrian Peterson score a touchdown so that we wouldn't expect Boise State to score and go for a two point conversion. in fact, i think the fat lady waited until one of the Boise State star players asked one of the cheerleaders to marry him. she said yes.

today... what did i even do? school is starting up again, so i wonder if my mind will be numbed or relieved. i have very little to write, but i still want it to be relevant, so i will find something we can do.

this is something i wrote one Sunday, when my youth pastor mike preached about not letting the system get to you, and he would have said that that was one of the nice, rare times we actually had "church," instead of simply "doing church." God was there, and we played worship practically the whole time until it was time to eat. it was such a relief to see God there. it was amazing. this is something i wrote (began as somewhat of a song):

I will never know
I will never know
How much I need You
How much I owe You
How much You love me
How much You've set me free
[But that won't stop me,
You are who You are
and I am someone else
that You've set free
You've set me free]

And I will never understand the mystery of it all
The importance of my falls
Or why You lift me up
When I might stab again
I don't understsand

And I don't understand who it is You are
Cause if I did, I'd know it's You and only You I should live for
I don't know why You call me son
And in Your image, I'm the one
Whom You would die for
I don't really know

And I don't really understand what it is You've done
Cause if I did, I'd know it's You and only You for whom I'd run
I don't know how great this is
And I don't know where this is going
I don't know, Lord, I won't know
So take me there to where You're calling

And I could never fully know how beautiful You are
I could never express how much I wonder
To be in the light
Found holy in Your sight
I could never express

I could never know how great our God is
How great You make us
How You change us and break us
Because it's love, true love
How great is Your Word, lifted high above
Our heavens, high above our knowledge
And our expectations and our wonders
So much more than what we can know and so much more than what we can comprehend
It is You that makes things work and You that makes things come alive
You make everything new and You make everything stand at awe of Your grace and Your power
It is You and only You
and though I will never really understand or comprehend what it is You've done to me,
I will run to You with such an urgency that it cannot be denied,
and it cannot be ignored
I will run to You with such an urgency that when I can run no longer, it will be You who carries me
and I will love You
with everything I have
and I will find myself in this place
The battle between grace and pride, I did just give up not so long ago.
You're the one.
I won't understand it, but I need You. More than anything
I need Your love. I need You, no matter what that means. I need You.

And even if I don't know
You're still enough for me
And even if I don't know
I'll live for You and Your glory

---

PS. according to a deacon board meeting e-mail, we are going to the MACCSR retreat (some acronym that pretty much means a giant Asian-American summer retreat or conference) and supposedly going to be leading the youth group. it might be in missouri, we don't know, and maybe won't get details for a while. also might only be three days long, so that would probably mean it's not (or at least not entirely) our missions trip.

also got a missions trip to Chicago with Daniel and OU company to look forward to during spring break. he said that if i wanted to see demons, they would be on this trip. i am truthfully pretty scared, but i want to see some things happen, and it seems as if i've been at a standstill with God for a while. also looking forward to Acquire the Fire coming up before that spring break, March 2nd and 3rd.