difficulties

things got harder today, but they would still have been a step up from any day last week or maybe even last month. got to run again since the ice has mostly melted, so i was happy, but my legs are pretty tired, which makes me pretty tired.



i will make this a real post later. if you are really looking for something to read, check out yesterday's entry or the day before.

::EDIT::
today was one of those days that sorta seemed to drag on, when you would helplessly be late to everything. or at least, that's what it seemed to me when i woke up at 7:50, ten minutes before school started. so i was late to school, and after getting to work on time, i made a bunch of mistakes and got incredibly frustrated and was the closest i've ever been to hating and wanting to quit my job, wondering if i would just explode in anger and exchange pointlessly harsh words with everyone working and storm out. i didn't really, and things only got easier when all of the customers left. in this storm, i started questioning again. questioning God and whether or not i could take off in my own direction again...i don't think i made a decision.

this has been my week: monday was easy (blessed...grace-filled). tuesday was harder. wednesday was the same as tuesday, only tired. this isn't an excuse. it's just that - it must be possible though, right? the answer 'yes' is written all over the Bible... we're supposed to be able to live God-centered lives. then what's going on? it seems like this is so incompatible with having to be in school. maybe because being in school doesn't leave much time or space for being more than someone who is supposed to learn. i don't know. but this hurts...well, it doesn't really hurt. it just sorta sucks

but on another hand: i just had this conversation with my friend who got into the U of Penn early decision. i had talked to him earlier in the day about the possibility of him writing an article for the school newspaper about how he got into college (and not really thinking anything of it), but he said he couldn't write it because he couldn't say that it was to his credit. he really believes that he only got in because God had it in His plan for him to go to Penn, and he saids it's interesting because so far, he's the only Christian he knows that's gotten into Penn - and so this confirms more to him that it must have been God. well anyway, he said he wouldn't write the article because it was God that got him into college and not himself, and the article would have pretty much consisted of him saying how he got into college - so, what do you know? God is great.