Virginia Tech

in the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shooting... i just want things to be right.

as something like this happens... everyone's right - life's not fair... and i just want things to be fair, to be good. and nobody could deserve it. nobody could deserve losing their life like this, nobody could even expect. what does it take? what does it take to push someone so far that they feel like they have to go out with a bang? was it harsh words from a friend? maybe it was his family? maybe it was everything. maybe he just couldn't do it. maybe he just didn't enjoy it. maybe, maybe, maybe.

but...what can someone say? how can someone respond? with love... and i'm not sure i know what that looks like. but the Bible says that you should rejoice with people when they are happy and mourn with those who are sad, that you should enter their presence of mind and put yourself into a position where you can comfort and some healing can happen. and maybe i won't ever get a chance to fix something. but the most i can do is love, the most i can do is not condemn. the most i can do is try to understand and, in understanding, love. love more, even.

and if someone walks into my school with a gun and 33 lives in mind, i sincerely want to be the one to stand in the way, even if that means i'm the first to die. to stand in the way of the heartbreak and the destruction and chaos and the brokenness. this is just wrong. i was reading Hebrews, around chapter 11, talking about how...things weren't supposed to be like this. it's easier to see everything going wrong when something big happens. but even if that hadn't ever happened, things weren't supposed to be like this. Hebrews 11 says, But now they [those who have faith in God, see Hebrews 11:6] desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

and you think, great. heaven's gonna be great. but how are you supposed to respond? how is any of this relevant to what is going on right now, how does it make a difference? and i'm not sure. things weren't supposed to be like this. how do you respond to the heartbreak? i don't know. maybe you try to make a difference. you try to live in such a way that, in everybody you meet, they see something better. something that doesn't say "you're not good enough" or "you should just go and die," or something that belittles them as a person. and, i don't even have to be talking about God, though i am[, and i think He's the only way because there comes a point when we don't know what to do and we don't even know what's best for us.] but...we can try to comfort. we can stop treating people like outcasts, we can stop avoiding people and pretending not to see them in the halls, we can sacrifice our dignity so that others can understand something better out of their days, and we can let ourselves be ridiculed so some people never have to know what that feels like...not to try to prevent things like school shootings from happening. just because... they deserve more. they deserve to get the best from us, to truly be loved. all those people, the 32 - they didn't deserve to die. and what's more - the gunman...he didn't deserve his life to come to that. he deserved love from every one who walked into his path, and maybe he saw that and chose not to listen to it, but still he deserved more from life than that.

i don't know. God bless everyone. He is still sovereign, even when everything is falling apart. things weren't supposed to be like this.