nothing's going to ruin today

hey guys. it's been a while since i've been up here. part of it is just that i write posts and just save them as drafts because i feel like my writing has been very jumbled lately, and part of it is just that i've been sorta consumed by school and ministry. there have been a whole bunch of ups and downs lately, but i think that there is consistently an overflow of grace. i feel like i get lifted up so easily, like God is really blessing me despite my bursts of unfaithfulness and disobedience.

i really felt like sharing because i felt like i heard from God today. things had been going kind of badly. my mom's van broke down and i guess our financial situation is tighter than i thought (and i'm kind of ignorant about money), and my dad was in the hospital for a little over a week two over the past two weeks. that's pretty much the whole story. things have been going kind of bad, and i started feeling a lot more pressure to make good grades and get scholarships and internships and really get my act together.

i spent Sunday night and Monday being mad and sad at things, and skipped my math class because things just seemed terrible. i went and talked to the Asian American student life director at OU, and he sorta helped me out and prayed for me, and i held up until the end of work. for some reason, i came back and lounged for a while, but then things started going bad again. i went and played basketball at the Huff and got madder and madder as i played. i played recklessly and was a bit of a jerk.

i walked back to the dorms at about 1 or 1:30 and managed to pray a little. after hearing what's been going on with my family, it has been pretty challenging trying to keep praying and to keep saying "Blessed be Your name." i was still wondering, though, what it was that i was supposed to be doing, after what had happened with my family.

tuesday morning came and i woke up still pretty frustrated. the weather was great. after my first class, the wind was heavy and the leaves were blowing around, so it was only natural to go for a run. i went and ran at the track for the first time this year with a new pair of shoes. turns out that they really started hurting my arches, so i ran on the infield barefoot for a while. at the end, i just sorta stood there, stretching, feeling the breeze around me, and it just sorta felt like God said that He was going to give me a good day, so i should enjoy it. i don't know how i got that in my head, but i sorta believed it.

i sorta felt like i could have become depressed if i wanted to. i could have let the pressures pile up and gotten mad at everyone around me, or i could have really tried to have a good day again. i felt like God was sorta giving me a gift - the blessing of a good day. and so i took a shower, felt really cool walking around campus, and felt like my heart really was being blessed with peace which surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). i felt really good, like nothing was going to ruin today, and - it didn't really make that much sense.

so that's what happened. i feel like a lot of people were praying for me, and that blessed me a lot, and that God really gave me security with Him. as i was asking what i should be doing in response to what has been going on with my family, i sorta felt like i should be filled with joy and hope, as a light. let it be contagious.

so, that's a praise. God gave me things to be happy about. weather was awesome, we had a pretty nice Bible study as well, good time at Campus Crusades, even some good grades. um, so i really can't complain. praise be to God... i enjoyed today. let me be drawn closer to You, no matter what happens. You are good and You know what You're doing..