this will be one of those posts where i simply feel compelled to write, yet have nothing exactly in mind to say.

i don't want mediocre. i want to shoot for greater things, to touch the sky, to enjoy watching the impossible accomplished, and accomplished by nobodies, the weak and broken, the lowly who tell society "this is not my home." those who live for greater things than fleeting desires and put off their flesh out of hope and love, and by love.

i don't want to be held down by the bondages of sin forever. let my heart be transformed, my will conformed, with eyes that see, with a heart that pumps praise, a life that breathes in and out and resonates and points to something i cannot deny, something beyond beautiful. the world has yet to see how beautiful God truly is. i spoke to a guy in Tulsa who believed that we had only hit the tip of the iceberg with the movement of the Holy Spirit. he believed that greater things are still to be done, that we haven't seen anything yet.

touch my heart and i'll fall to pieces. Jesus was invited to a meal at a Pharisee's house, and a sinful woman came behind Him and wept uncontrollably. she wept so much that she could even wash Jesus' feet with her tears. she washed those feet with her own hair. what would i do if i knew Jesus was in town? would i weep uncontrollably before Him? would i cry out of desperation, out of brokenness, out of heartache? or would i miss it? what in the world could there be that would keep me away from Him? apparently so much, and yet it seems so little, so small.

my God is a healer. a king. my best friend, mine. my God is all powerful. He breathes life into people, and there is no darkness in Him. He sees all and holds us in His hands. He sustains and knows and feels and pursues. He moves and loves. He walked among us, was tempted, killed, and then lived some more. His disciples said "if only we had more faith..." and He told them it was just a mustard seed amount of faith to move a mountain. He associated with the outcasts, the lame and tax collectors and prostitutes. even better if you were lowly and troubled and weak and felt criticism on every side, because He came for those in specific. He is tender towards me. He has chosen me, has softened and become sensitive towards me. He cares. He loves and does not cast off. and He shows mercy. He is the ultimate lover, forgiver.

and even if He doesn't heal, my life will not be own. my life i commit into His hands