God, I want to be on fire, ignited. As You are a consuming fire, I want to be consumed, to be touched and moved, even confident in Your unrelenting love like I have not been in the past. Let me not be mistaken but know that Your heart is still towards me, You are still singing over me, and though I am marked with sin and unrighteousness, You love me. And uniquely, specifically me. You have known me and seen me - when I wasn't the smartest, fastest, greatest of any kind. You came after me and You gave me everything: You gave Your all for my all, and the weakness, fragility, and falling-short of my all.
Let me not be consumed by pleasing those around me, but seeking Your pleasure. Let me not be driven by what I don't have, but rather see that I have been given everything, that I am even complete now as I write this, not by any action of my own accord, but by One who knows the impossibility of finding completion and sufficiency aside from Him.
So let me not be burdened by not having a girlfriend or the fears of mediocrity in this world - may I come to see and enjoy things, knowing that I am not looking for the point at which things are perfect and I don't have to worry about anything. In fact, what I live for is not to see my life come together and everything be just the way I want it. I don't live for the day I can wake up next to a beautiful wife and house and income to brag about.
What do I really want?
I want to see the fullness of God. Because I believe that when I get to see Him - and all of Him - I will instantly realize who I am. I will know that, despite all of the difficulty and controversy and tension, late nights, and runs away from home, despite all of the frustrated prayers, doubts and fears, stress and work and fatigue and argument - despite pains and believing, but not seeing, despite falling and failing and being criticized by others and even yourself, the neverending daily battle of trying just to be right with God, to be in the place that you feel you need to be - despite injuries and brokenness and shortlived successes and hardships and chaos and feeling like you don't fit in, like you're looked down upon, like you are in over your head and on the brink of breaking and saying, "I just can't take this anymore..." I believe the movement I see God in His fullness and the fullness of His glory - that single instant is all I will ever need to see to rest assured that I am not alone here, and I am loved more than I would ever even comprehend - to the extent that anything I tried to do couldn't separate me from God, because He Himself is coming after me, and He Himself is literally willing to do anything to spend eternity with me. This I cannot deny, and this is the hope of my life. Not that I will live a Godly life, have a beautiful family, respectable career, and anything I could ever dream of having. My hope is in God Himself.
And He is a consuming fire.
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