catching up, Ephesians 4, and storms

hey, things are going well again. spiritual ups and downs, but today has been a high. i didn't start class until 10:30, so i got to sleep in, and the weather was simply stunning. after being so cold for a while, seeing weather in the 60's changes everything. anyways, it felt really good. i was planning on taking today off for a break from running, but i ended up running anyway - i felt somewhat obligated. i think i got about 7 miles in less than an hour, and certainly felt like i was going faster than 8 minute pace. anyways, i guess i really am running pretty consistently and it's nice.

on top of that, i've met more runners. some from the Norman Running Brigade, a running group that was just started on campus, as well as some guys from Norman Community Church. i went there yesterday since my other plans fell through. and it was pretty initially weird. there was maybe around 40 or 50 people smashed into a house, and the worship was pretty nice.

i tend to get caught up on whether or not people are really worshiping or whether it is just singing and motions (hypocrisy). well, i mean, i don't think that should hinder me from serving and worshiping, and i think when that's all i think about, it has become pride. when the way i view other people keeps me from worship. anyways, i voiced this kind of dilemma earlier, before spring break. my problem was that i would walk into a place of worship like Chi Alpha or Norman Community or Journey or Guts in Tulsa, and i would be amongst worshipers, and i would just kind of be distracted. sometimes, it seemed to do more harm than good. i'm not sure, but i think God broke through that when we were at oneThing, because i was revealed that it really was prideful. and that everything is for God. if the worship is real, then awesome - it is for God. if it's not - still not really any of my business.

anyways, they played worship, and i was getting sorta distracted. i'm not sure where Paul says this, but i started thinking of this. Paul was preaching a gospel, and other people, who were sorta opposed to him started preaching some other kind of gospel, out of contention or jealousy or maybe out of truth. and instead of defending what might have been called a monopoly that Paul had on the gospel message (as he was one of the forerunners in delivering the message to the Gentiles), Paul just said he didn't really care. as long as the name of God was being preached - even if it was out of jealousy or wrong intentions. as long as truth was being spoken, he didn't really have a problem with who was saying it. i think that's what paul was getting at. i'm not exactly sure where he says it either.

---EDIT---
i found this passage. it's in Philippians 1:15-19. he says some preach Christ sincerely with love, but others from selfish ambition, trying to add affliction to others. paul responds like this: "only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached; and in this i rejoice, yes, and will rejoice."
---END EDIT---

so, i prayed a bit, and it was nice. it wasn't exactly out of control. i have found that, sometimes, i have gone to a campus ministry and the worship will be amazing, but the change won't be there. the feeling of going somewhere and honesty is definitely there, but it doesn't end up getting firmly rooted in me. and i mean, i guess there's a point of losing control or letting it go... i guess i was just being cautious.

anyways, someone spoke about different functions of the church and how we reach out and how we reach in, the passage being mostly from Ephesians 4. i thought it was pretty cool. he expressed how we are all individually different members in the body of Christ, and that the different roles we play are generally what we really like. like who we are naturally. some people really excel in power encounters in evangelism, so that grace is given to them so that they could pass out tracts or stand on a street corner and change lives and shouldn't really be getting beef from other people like me. others aren't as outgoing, but enjoy people - maybe they are not evangelists, but teachers. i think what was really comforting was that we don't have to exactly change who we are naturally to be able to fit into the roles that Christ has made for us - we may have to adjust, but i think a lot of finding our place is in embracing who we are and finding the characteristics and thrills that God has placed inside of us.

this is comforting, because i am not exactly the most outgoing person. i like people, but i'm really not very outgoing or a good conversationalist if i have just randomly met someone. unless we're talking about running, break dancing, or God, and it doesn't always go anywhere with the first two. i like the idea about showing people things that they have never seen before; i like the idea of using things like music or break dancing or running to spread the gospel. so without having to turn around my personality a complete 180 degrees, i can find my part in the church to be who God has called me to be. and i think that applies to be everybody. not to say that it is okay to be stagnant in your gifts or to only develop those gifts - adjustments should sometimes be made.

for example, i have heard of the role of a prayer warrior, which might be the kind of people whose job descriptions are entirely to pray at the International House of Prayer. for someone else whose calling might be in preaching, i think prayer is still greatly important. i guess what i'm saying is that your role in/with God and the church is still dependent on having a very healthy relationship with God, which means getting to be yourself, but also means learning and developing in relationship with God. in a sense, becoming more of yourself.

they also mentioned a kind of gifts-test, where based on your personality, the test generates who you might be in the church, much like the personality quizzes you see that tell you what kind of dog or car or TV character you are. i'm not sure how legit it is, and i wouldn't put too much emphasis, as your ability to answer questions will obviously come into play. here's the test site

anyways, so we talked about that last night. God really is good. i've screwed up quite a countless number of times these past few days, but man... weather like this, and hope like God's love. i've been reading around Paul's letters [and writing about it at wci-chapteraday.blogspot.com] and the Psalms and i read the smallest passage in one of the Gospels at lunch today, but it was still really cool. it was when the disciples were in a boat with Jesus, and there was a huge storm going on, but Jesus was asleep. and the disciples, becoming more and more convinced of their death, in their fright, wake up Jesus asking if He cares about them. and Jesus asks them where their faith is...

i don't know what the disciples should have done. i guess just not be afraid. the song Praise You in the Storm comes to mind - instead of beginning to doubt God's love for us, choosing to exalt His name. choosing to say that, even if God does not deliver through trials and tribulations, God will still be God, and He will still be lifted high through my life. worshiping God in both life and death. i also saw a quote somewhere just recently that said, "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

and this makes sense, because really, life is a roller coaster of ups and downs. the storm is inevitable - it hits everyone. just as Jesus said in a parable, there was a man who built his house upon sand, and another who built his house upon rock. the storm hit both of them. anyways, i don't know what the disciples should have done. i think it would have been pretty amazing if, moments from what they believed could be their death, they decided to dance and laugh and tell jokes. not to say life should be something that you laugh off - but maybe death is something you should. i have prayed a couple times that i would be reckless with my life, and that is somewhat of a running metaphor. the idea of going all out, disregarding death and the threats or consequences of persecution or pain.

anyways, these are the things that i have been thinking about lately. along with homework, and the prospect of playing basketball tonight, which i will probably pass up (i'm not sure my legs can take it). hope that everything is going well with anyone reading this, and that you find God's strength in the midst of the storms going on.