fast and furious

the Restoration group is coming to the end of a fast, and i must say - i am speechless. i am completely amazed at how much God provided for us - that the amount of grace that was present was remarkable. before this, i had fasted every now and then, but i had never felt what i have felt over these past couple days. last semester, i had struggled so much simply trying to skip a meal. and yet, we decided we would go for three days - a juice and media fast - and God really came through.

i don't want to call any glory to myself, but i listed the number of days because i think it's pretty intimidating. we started Sunday night and i was freaking out, i thought about it as i slept that entire night. i confessed that the only way that i could possibly do it was with God. that night, Restoration met and prayed that our desires for food would be replaced and fulfilled by desire for God. i think i was specifically focusing on trying to give God glory instead of gaining glory for myself (which ends in my shame), intimacy, and prayer and intercession. i really wanted true, deep encounter with God, and as the days passed, i realized that it wouldn't be a great fast if i simply satisfied. i really did have a desire put in me by the grace of God - i really truly wanted to desire God with everything i have.

there was a lot of prayer that went on. when i woke up Monday morning, things were simply easy. i spent my free time with God, keeping myself busy, and by the Holy Spirit, my hungers were satisfied by God's goodness. i played more guitar than i have in a while, read more of the Bible than i have in any other period, prayed more, and it really is all to God's glory. it's weird, but He really did simply just show up, in the same way that i usually say that we were playing worship at a lock-in or on a mountain and God simply showed up. but He showed up in steadfastness, over three days, and it was just brilliant beautiful.

we were doing a media fast, so i was at least off Facebook and Youtube for those three days, and i had really wanted to put a stop to my Rubik's cubing. those three combine waste so much of my time. i really only used my computer for homework and e-mail, and the surprising result was that temptation to sin against my body was hardly anything. in fact, most of my temptation simply came in the form of pride. God is just remarkable. He truly was working. Restoration had also been going through a book called One Thing by IHOP oneThing director Dwayne Roberts, which stressed the idea of steadfast faith - seeking to be God through everything. God really did grant us the desires of our heart by bringing us close to Him.

i've never really fasted and had so much focus on God at the same time, to God's glory again because it was God's grace, all the way. i was still going to classes and doing homework, so i can't say that it was like fasting in the wilderness, but still...i think the only way to get through a fast is to really desire and hunger for God - to take a stand against your physical needs and seek that God would feed you with His Word and His Spirit. and this is huge, because i had fasted a couple times in high school during the 30 Hour Famine and it was mostly just not eating. but focusing on God really truly is filling. it has been so long since i felt so dependent on God, and it was even greater, because i was getting this feeling on the OU campus - an everyday kind of scenario. i didn't leave to Michigan or Chicago to learn this - God taught it to me right in the middle of mundane.

anyways, i am simply blown away by truly how sufficient and overwhelming God's grace is. i confess, before this week, i had been hesitant. when people talked about spending eternity with God, i wasn't sure how excited i could get over that. but i think i am getting to see God as a provider, as someone i could spend my entire days pondering and spending time with. i mentioned at the beginning of the semester that i wondered whether i could make my life God and school and cut out the social heart, mainly. and with what happened in these past few days, i am beginning to see what that might look like, and it really is something rewarding. there's nothing greater.

hope that this is encouraging. God is great, and to Him be the glory that He has blessed me with.