one of my friends has a photo album on Facebook called The Places No One Sees. it's pretty nice. a great idea too. to see what everyone seems to miss. like the stars, for example. or the beauty of people. the seeming impossibility of mechanics as simple as riding a bike. the way rhythm fits into itself. seeing the people that no one sees. befriending who is weak, letting yourself be vulnerable. but that's not where i'm going with this post.
hopefully i'll touch someone's heart with this. and i don't know how to say it, or what to say, so i'm just gonna start writing.
you know God died for us? He died so that we wouldn't live stagnant lives. and so we get caught up with everything and we forget, and we count His salvation and His grace common (Hebrews 10:29), and we deny Him. and so when we look around and see all of the destruction or failure or disappointment and chaos and whatever around us, we just want to quit. we want to give up. we want to say "look at all the crap i've done. and i just don't want to deal with it. i don't have strength... look. i just don't want to deal with this."
and yet the world moves on, the day goes on, the train starts moving again and if you take a second, take a day off, you're behind. you're gone. more failure, more disappointment, more frustration, more work. less energy. you took a break and ironically you end up more tired than before. people say relax, but you don't know how. it might as well be a foreign word you can't comprehend.
and then you have Christians looking at you, expecting you to feel it, and you just can't tell them, "look, i'm just not feeling it. i don't want to deal with this." and you got non-Christians looking at you wondering if you're going to screw up, wondering why you're even a Christian in the first place, and you throw on another mask because you can't tell them, "look, i'm just not feeling it." and responsibilities at home and at school build up, and responsibilities to the church, and they're responsibilities. if you don't do them, that would make you irresponsible. and, all of a sudden, the church, which was supposed to help build you up, could be tearing you down. school, which is supposed to make you come alive and get you involved with things you like, ends up killing you. and home isn't a home or a refuge. it's a battleground. and then still, you have this tug on your heart that says, "come on, why aren't you spending time with God?"
wouldn't it be great to live a day not thinking saying "i'm glad just to be here," instead of "oh man, i have this homework that i really need to get done." wouldn't it be great to take a class thinking "i'm just blown away to have this opportunity," instead of saying, "well, if i get this A..."
and that tug is still on your heart, asking "why aren't you spending time with God?"
...
and don't you see? that voice isn't from God. it's not from God, not in that context at least. the Christians ask you, "why aren't you spending time with God?" the nonChristians ask you, "what's so great about your god?" pretty soon everyone is telling you, "i thought you were better than that." condemnation all around, all you can eat. and what is God saying?
you don't know. you might not even be able to guess.
this is why you need God to be true.
this is why you need God in the first place.
because He didn't come to condemn (John 3:17).
the world is going up in flames and you can't see your hand in front of your face, and your whole day is like a buffet of condemnation, and home's not home and church isn't church and school doesn't seem like anything more than dead weight. and what you really want to do is leave. quit. call it off. because the voice is still saying, "why aren't you spending time with God?"
you know what God asks?
He asks you to be in peace. He asks you to live in His peace. so that when the world goes up in flames like it's going now, you don't go through the agony of condemnation. in 1 Corinthians 7, paul is talking about relationships, and he's talking about the grief of someone leaving in a relationship,* a relationship not working out the way you want it to work, when all of a sudden he says, "But God has called us to peace."
you know what God asks?
"let me take Your burdens. let me fix what's really bugging you, let me fix what you don't want to deal with."
and you respond, "God i don't know how. i don't have the energy."
and God says, "you don't have to do anything. just be willing." you're unconvinced. it seems like the effort has to be on your part. and God says, "you don't have to do anything. i already did it all. just put your faith in me. instead of doing something, put your faith in me that i'll take care of what you need. just be willing."
you say, "i don't want to be willing. i don't want to change."
but if you don't change...all you will ever have is the world condemning you. if you change, which ultimately can only come from God...all you will ever have is peace.
...
i offer this prayer: Lord, i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know what's going on. i'm a bit sick of myself. the circumstances are only getting worse, and i am so easily influenced by what is going on around me that i easily abandon you and forget who i am meant to be. i forget any kind of higher purpose than instant gratification and to be seen by men. Lord, please let me come back. please let me do things Your way. please give me faith. please give me a heart that is focused and centered on You, and let me realize that i really need You. for everything. i need You to be God, i need You to be everything. that is the only thing i need. for You to come into my life and be who You are. God, i pray you would lead me to fall in love with You. i don't know what needs to happen on my part, and i don't know if i'm willing, but God, i pray that You would make me willing. God, i pray You would make me to fall in love with You, because that is where i will come alive.
...
*(okay, this isn't the best example, because the relationship paul is talking about is in the context of a nonbeliever and a believer. take this into consideration, but i wasn't trying to manipulate verses. i think the idea of grief is what was important)
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