grace and its impossible implications

catching up: i've been reading through John in the Message Remix translation, it's pretty good. trying to see who the real Jesus, what He was really like. also went to Kai Alpha tonight, Thursdays are my favorite days. went to Journey on Tuesday night, it's also pretty good. start a new job tomorrow, at Cafe Plaid. hope i'm not working that much. going to give some to God and then my mom, and then maybe buy a camera or...celebrate some way, i'm not really sure. the big OU-Miami game is this weekend. had grace to run tonight. today was a good day.

i think i would rather prefer things to be impossible. more of God, less of me. it occurs to me that things would be a lot better if i could look at things through "grace glasses," like a lens. if i could look at everything and say, "man, i really didn't deserve that," or "i shouldn't have been able to do that. that wasn't me." if i could get away from pride and live my life under God's grace, just like that song that says His grace is enough, then i think things would be good.

there were a couple of things i thought about during worship tonight at Kai Alpha.

i look around my life and i see some great things. and this is grace. you know how i said that i wished things were impossible? things should be impossible. things shouldn't be like the way they are. i shouldn't be able to run or apply myself and get good grades or get to think of myself as popular and i shouldn't even get to challenge God or run from God or find myself so blessed by God. and even if my life had very little to do with experiencing God, i'd still have something in my life. i'd still have things i could be proud of, things i could remember for the rest of my life, period. and this is grace. because that should be impossible.

us being who we are. the miracle of life. you've done some pretty amazing things. and not to undermine them at all, but... it just kinda seems to me like we have something. and we don't deserve something. we deserve...not to be trusted. because we don't trust. we don't love, so what do we deserve? not to be loved? we don't go out of our ways to make others feel comfortable, we screw up and we can't help it, we hurt people around us no matter how hard we try not to, and we just can't keep ourselves from having mood swings and saying stupid things sometimes and not thinking things through. so what do we deserve? the last thing we deserve is for someone to die for us, much less a king, a god, a creator, our creator. we aren't that important.

what do we deserve? "those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh...to be carnally minded is death" (somewhere in Romans or Hebrews). we have these great things, things we can really be proud of. and yet...it's impossible. things shouldn't be like this. you see? this is grace! things were impossible. God made this possible. even when we aren't giving back to Him, even when we refuse to look Him straight in the eye and see our situation, He still makes things possible. this is grace.

the first time i had grace to run, it was just so obvious. it was the middle of the workout and i was just running mediocre times in the beginning, but towards the middle, i was running with about the same effort as i had in the beginning, but i soon found myself towards the front of the pack, with the good runners. this wasn't supposed to happen, was it? so i did what anyone would have done. i ran my heart out, because i couldn't get enough. i couldn't run out...grace was just plain there. and i liked it. so i ran my heart out.

then there are other times, the workouts that aren't easy. the workouts that you look forward to, and even though they hurt, you still have grace to see the challenge and persevere through it, knowing that you will get to be faster. knowing that you will get to be put to the test and actually genuinely looking forward to it, not fearing it. this is grace.

then there are the workouts that you do fear. the workouts that are just like hell, where you can't go any faster and your energy is completely spent and yet you're not even close to hitting your times. and you probably know what i'm going to say. it's grace. still grace. because you're still out there running the workout. no matter how hard it is, remember - this should be impossible. there's no reason we should be running in the first place. impossible is nothing. it's all grace.

and this is the message of God. we were faced with the impossibilities, and God overcame them for us. if we could look at everything with this kind of recognition, this kind of abandonment of pride, some kind of dependence on God, then...i can only imagine what God would do. i can only imagine how much more He would show us that nothing is impossible. that He has bridged the gap. that the kingdom of grace knows no limits, no boundaries.