i have to put this somewhere.
God is good. very good. so far beyond our perceptions and imaginations good.
we were having a prayer meeting, like we always do on Sunday nights, and...things just got out of control with the Holy Spirit. joy of the Lord, all over the place for me. it was pretty amazing.
yesterday was awful. it felt like it did before i was saved. my day lacked direction, and i was a slave to my stupid lustful desires. anyways, i fell to sin so much yesterday, i felt pathetic, and i didn't really even have a desire for God. my faith was pretty weak.
i got a nice amount of sleep, and took a break from playing worship tonight. i usually played worship Sunday and Wednesday nights, but i didn't tonight. i still thought it would just be a normal day, even though daniel had asked if i wanted to get drunk and i had told them that i did. i didn't actually think it would happen. and even when we stood up for him to pray for me, i didn't really think anything of it. and when i fell over backwards, i wasn't so sure whether it was God who had pushed me over not. i didn't think it was.
but something happened in falling over backwards, uncertain whether or not God would actually do something. there was some kind of liberation that eventually prevailed, and i lost dignity. i began to laugh, because though my circumstances weren't perfect at all, and though my faith had been so weak just a day earlier, God was still in control. and even though we were possibly going through some rough times, God was still in control, and God still knew what He was doing. i had been praying for faith. and joy of the Lord. i wanted to be restored to joy. God gave me just that.
because it wasn't soon before i was speaking in tongues and squirming around with manifestations. when i say that i lost dignity, i really mean i lost dignity. i was acting a way i don't think anybody's ever seen me act. it was like God was tickling me. i was just lieing on the ground of Daniel's room, kicking around, laughing, squirming. amazed, because this had nothing to do with me. it was just God, and He felt really really good. and it was like no one could take away with this joy. and i thought how i could live in it forever, for some reason just really really happy, living in God's glory, even with my grades dropping in the background and all of these other issues that could be worried about. and i was thinking how i could go to my calculus class acting just like this, how i could live completely unconcerned with the world, completely indifferent to this life of grades and society and competition.
and i thought how funny it was, because yesterday was so bad, that the events of tonight could have definitely not been prompted, in anyway, by any kind of my own self righteousness. i, in no way, deserved what happened tonight. is it not obvious to see that my direct disobedience of God and His commandments should not have resulted in such a pleasant experience with God that happened tonight? it was completely grace. and it was completely God. i had very little to do with it, and i was just laughing because I was in His presence, and this was something i have never felt before. and i will tell you this - it's something that will be remembered. it really is something great. God restored me to joy. and it was all in His timing, all in His plan.
which faces me with this dilemma - how shall i go on living? because, i think it's pretty clear. it has to be of God. it has be totally God, if i want it to resound like tonight did. like my own problems and my own ego - everything that has to do with me - should take a backseat to God. let God drive, i shouldn't really have anything to do with it, except that i should laugh and squirm around when God tickles me. oh - and another thing - my legs felt amazing. i could not keep my legs still. i couldn't keep both of them stretched out on the ground in front of me. one always had to be bent. and...i kind of felt that God let me run. granted, i also felt that He said not to let it get in the way, but it was restoration in a way i've never felt.
and...when i talk to people, it's gotta be all God. it can't be me. at the same time, i have no idea what this looks like. it might always be talking about God, it might have very little to do with even mentioning God's name. it might be casting out demons, it might be deliverance, healings. God knows no boundaries or impossibilities. He just loves on people, and His love conquers all things. God, i just pray that You would overflow onto this campus and all over on all of us, the people that You love. i pray that we would really give You control of our hearts, that we would simply submit and, somehow, just fall to our knees and worship You and wait on You for provision and everything. find ourselves, our identities in You, and see how far we can delve into Your grace, away from our pride. steal away our hearts, ruin us from daily life. secure us in Your presence, and steal us away from this world and what we know. bring us to You.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
i want something great.
i used to say that there were a million tiny things some people did each day that no one ever saw, and that these things would make people cry.
i heard about a michael w. smith song, about how it feels to be a father watching his daughter grow up, would push any father to tears, if he should see the music video.
i have felt it. i have felt uncontrollable crying, i have felt completely blown away. i have felt significant and completely secure in my significance, not because i deserved or earned it, but because i was staring God in the face and seeing Him and seeing His love.
now, i want to cry.
part of me wants to be part of something big, and so...i want to be part of God's plan. i want to find myself in His will, i want to be so in love with Him just so that i can be onto something big, so i can be on the brink of something big. so i can feel like my life will make people cry.
and this is what i really want. i want someone to cry over me, not necessarily because of things that go wrong, but because of beauty. i want to run like crazy, run like ecstacy in the cold night and lose myself in it. i want to lose myself in this thing that is big. i want to pour out my heart into words, because i have read some people's notes and they're just so real. they just make you feel like crying, feel like this person is finally vulnerable, that this person... is beautiful. and i guess that's like me, but i can't put words to it. i'm not sure i can put my heart to it either.
i used to say that there were a million tiny things some people did each day that no one ever saw, and that these things would make people cry.
i heard about a michael w. smith song, about how it feels to be a father watching his daughter grow up, would push any father to tears, if he should see the music video.
i have felt it. i have felt uncontrollable crying, i have felt completely blown away. i have felt significant and completely secure in my significance, not because i deserved or earned it, but because i was staring God in the face and seeing Him and seeing His love.
now, i want to cry.
part of me wants to be part of something big, and so...i want to be part of God's plan. i want to find myself in His will, i want to be so in love with Him just so that i can be onto something big, so i can be on the brink of something big. so i can feel like my life will make people cry.
and this is what i really want. i want someone to cry over me, not necessarily because of things that go wrong, but because of beauty. i want to run like crazy, run like ecstacy in the cold night and lose myself in it. i want to lose myself in this thing that is big. i want to pour out my heart into words, because i have read some people's notes and they're just so real. they just make you feel like crying, feel like this person is finally vulnerable, that this person... is beautiful. and i guess that's like me, but i can't put words to it. i'm not sure i can put my heart to it either.
Monday, September 24, 2007
i guess i haven't had one of these lately - a testimony. i think if we forget our testimonies, then we forget how much Christ has done for us and what it meant for Him to be our Savior. on the other side, if we only live in our testimonies, then we're no longer really moving forward. anyways, here is what i can manage [with later editing, since i wrote this at like 2 in the morning last night]:
i have been blessed beyond reason. beyond imagination.
in one night, this night, i saw before me flash what was really going on. i saw that i wasn't a very good guitar player or singer compared to some people out there. and i saw that i had sinned, that i wasn't really feeling God. i had fallen away. and yet God used me anyways. He forgave me of my sins, even if i hadn't yet asked for forgiveness - He overlooked my sins and then He overlooked my flaws and He still used me.
but it was how He used me. He used me to get glory for Himself. you see, i was the one playing the guitar and leading the songs and everything, but people didn't see me, and that's the way it should be. all they saw was God. i was worshipping, but it didn't have to be me. it could have been anyone with a guitar and a desire for God, and i think God would have happened just like He did. but it was all the more amazing because it was me. i had a front row seat to watching God move. God working right through me.
and the power of prayer became apparent. because we would pray for people and after a while, God would show up and answer our prayers. and there were multiple times when i just wanted to stop praying and multiple times when i thought it just wasn't going to work and that God wouldn't answer our prayers like that, but the others persevered in their prayer and waited on the Lord and He came. answered our prayers. there was liberation in the air.
it reoccurs that God is my life. i mean, i sing how God is the only one who's worthy of everything we can give and how He's the only one i want to give my life to, but i hadn't realized this for a while. God is my life. no back up plans. nothing. God is my life, and i have nothing else that i would want to live for than for God. more than that, when my life isn't about God, things kinda get screwed up. if i fall away from God, i'm falling away from my life. i'm dying when i purposely choose against God. in fact, when i'm not even listening to God tell me who i am, when i don't let God give me value, i get so screwed up. i get down on myself thinking that i'm not good enough and then i think that not only am i good enough, but i'm better than everyone else, which gets me more down on myself because that's pride. and what God does is give us a new peace of mind. He takes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them on Him. not only that, but He pulls us out of our struggles. He redefines us, makes us new.
today was the first day that i've been in a room with about four or five other people and really been aware of their beauty. and at times, i wouldn't even want to look at them or touch them because i didn't want to dishonor them, and seeing how much God loved them made me feel like i should love them like that too. i think what i have been missing out on is a love for other people, a genuine desire to see people grow and progress and get better - a real care for people - as well as joy in my life. billy was talking to me how he feels like he and the rest of the youth group are kind of missing out on the spirit of joy, and i would agree with him as i can see it lacking in myself too. i just don't get excited like i used to.
one weekend, we went to the gym in Broken Arrow and jerry's stuff got stolen, and we spent pretty much all of saturday night working to change out the locks on his house so that jerry could go to church the next morning. we hardly got any sleep at all. one time in Michigan, it was 1 or 2 at night, and i was upset, so billy and i ran about a mile out to the beach and just sat there, watching the tide come in and out and the silhouette of buildings against the dark night sky, and when we came back, we were laughing at how much God would do. and at the Labor Day Retreat, i remember billy stepping up to the mic and just pouring out his thoughts in front of about 100 people and i got to do the same. i remember my very last Sunday before we went to college, leading worship.
and i remember one of the beginning Friday nights, mike had this crazy idea or something that he could put oil on us and we would all pray for one another and...it turned out that aileen was speaking in tongues from the very beginning and i was crying like i never had before and even crying with my sister, letting myself be vulnerable for one of the first times, saying that i was sorry for all the crap i put her through. i remember a lock-in when nothing seemed to be going right, but later that night when mike and lisa played worship, i ended up running around celebrating because i realized how great and wonderful it would be when, after trying so hard to get to God, we would actually get to Him and He would bless us so much with His gifts, it would be like we were flying.
i remember the long hike up the Pecos Wilderness and i remember watching the sunset that very last night in Michigan. i remember running away from home and God one cold night my senior year, both my legs locking up at 81st and Yale and crying to God on the side of the road. i remember the one weekend when there was grace to play worship. i remember what it looked like to see Jojo and Jerry and Richard and Jeff worship for the first time. i remember the impossibility of it all that night in Michigan when we were standing in a circle and things just started happening. i remember late nights with my small group, not knowing what i was going to talk about and still being blown away by things my group members would say. i remember talking to Jojo about Muslims and i remember billy stepping up as a leader in michigan and i remember Sleeping Bag Sumo and wrestling with demons at the campsite and trying to change seats every five minutes in our cramped van.
i remember times when all i wanted to do was quit. i remember times when i fell so hard, when i chose to compromise, when i let sin get the best of me. i remember some of my failures. failures with relationships and failures to be real. i remember what it feels like to be tired and to be stagnant with God. i remember what it feels like to have God show you something you haven't seen before, to run like you've never run before. i remember running my last real race ever and having John Spencer tell me that i was a man of God. i remember running my last cross country race and coming back for Friday night, feeling the indescribable pain in my legs, and thanking God because He had given me what i had asked for.
today was the first day i was in a room with four or five different people and i saw how much they wanted God in their hearts. how sold out they were, how desperate they were to catch a glimpse of God. they wanted Him more than they wanted themselves. truly, as simple as it sounds. and i saw God satisfy.
it seems as if God is calling me to love people. to see the people that no one sees, to let myself be associated with people who haven't really had people in their lives tell them that they're okay. that they're worth time. they're worth energy. that someone would give everything away for them. and by spending time with these people, i will get to love on them. i will get to witness... that they're really no different from me. i'm just like them.
God is good. He has...fixed my problems. my dilemmas, and He has seriously turned them into something amazing. something beyond beautiful, beyond explanation and scientific reason. He has given me something to live for, something worth remembering, something worth holding close to my heart. if i didn't have God, sure. i guess i could do absolutely whatever i wanted. but that wouldn't be liberating at all. i would be living lies. and all i would have would be myself and my reputation and things like money and all those things would pass away.
but i think with God...things aren't like that at all. i think with God, it doesn't matter if i'm going through heaven or hell. it doesn't matter if everything is fine or if i hate myself and need someone to comfort me or i shot and murdered a guy and am wondering if i should do the same to myself. His love never changes. He never changes. there's a lot of things i can't understand, and a lot of things i have trouble believing. but i'm starting to let go. because i think with God... you get what you need. regardless of whatever impossibilities we attach to it, i think it's actually satisfying. it actually doesn't get old or stupid and it's not a blind faith, and you can question God and things are perhaps better that way. and i'm trying to base my life on this principle. God is life.
i have been blessed beyond reason. beyond imagination.
in one night, this night, i saw before me flash what was really going on. i saw that i wasn't a very good guitar player or singer compared to some people out there. and i saw that i had sinned, that i wasn't really feeling God. i had fallen away. and yet God used me anyways. He forgave me of my sins, even if i hadn't yet asked for forgiveness - He overlooked my sins and then He overlooked my flaws and He still used me.
but it was how He used me. He used me to get glory for Himself. you see, i was the one playing the guitar and leading the songs and everything, but people didn't see me, and that's the way it should be. all they saw was God. i was worshipping, but it didn't have to be me. it could have been anyone with a guitar and a desire for God, and i think God would have happened just like He did. but it was all the more amazing because it was me. i had a front row seat to watching God move. God working right through me.
and the power of prayer became apparent. because we would pray for people and after a while, God would show up and answer our prayers. and there were multiple times when i just wanted to stop praying and multiple times when i thought it just wasn't going to work and that God wouldn't answer our prayers like that, but the others persevered in their prayer and waited on the Lord and He came. answered our prayers. there was liberation in the air.
it reoccurs that God is my life. i mean, i sing how God is the only one who's worthy of everything we can give and how He's the only one i want to give my life to, but i hadn't realized this for a while. God is my life. no back up plans. nothing. God is my life, and i have nothing else that i would want to live for than for God. more than that, when my life isn't about God, things kinda get screwed up. if i fall away from God, i'm falling away from my life. i'm dying when i purposely choose against God. in fact, when i'm not even listening to God tell me who i am, when i don't let God give me value, i get so screwed up. i get down on myself thinking that i'm not good enough and then i think that not only am i good enough, but i'm better than everyone else, which gets me more down on myself because that's pride. and what God does is give us a new peace of mind. He takes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them on Him. not only that, but He pulls us out of our struggles. He redefines us, makes us new.
today was the first day that i've been in a room with about four or five other people and really been aware of their beauty. and at times, i wouldn't even want to look at them or touch them because i didn't want to dishonor them, and seeing how much God loved them made me feel like i should love them like that too. i think what i have been missing out on is a love for other people, a genuine desire to see people grow and progress and get better - a real care for people - as well as joy in my life. billy was talking to me how he feels like he and the rest of the youth group are kind of missing out on the spirit of joy, and i would agree with him as i can see it lacking in myself too. i just don't get excited like i used to.
one weekend, we went to the gym in Broken Arrow and jerry's stuff got stolen, and we spent pretty much all of saturday night working to change out the locks on his house so that jerry could go to church the next morning. we hardly got any sleep at all. one time in Michigan, it was 1 or 2 at night, and i was upset, so billy and i ran about a mile out to the beach and just sat there, watching the tide come in and out and the silhouette of buildings against the dark night sky, and when we came back, we were laughing at how much God would do. and at the Labor Day Retreat, i remember billy stepping up to the mic and just pouring out his thoughts in front of about 100 people and i got to do the same. i remember my very last Sunday before we went to college, leading worship.
and i remember one of the beginning Friday nights, mike had this crazy idea or something that he could put oil on us and we would all pray for one another and...it turned out that aileen was speaking in tongues from the very beginning and i was crying like i never had before and even crying with my sister, letting myself be vulnerable for one of the first times, saying that i was sorry for all the crap i put her through. i remember a lock-in when nothing seemed to be going right, but later that night when mike and lisa played worship, i ended up running around celebrating because i realized how great and wonderful it would be when, after trying so hard to get to God, we would actually get to Him and He would bless us so much with His gifts, it would be like we were flying.
i remember the long hike up the Pecos Wilderness and i remember watching the sunset that very last night in Michigan. i remember running away from home and God one cold night my senior year, both my legs locking up at 81st and Yale and crying to God on the side of the road. i remember the one weekend when there was grace to play worship. i remember what it looked like to see Jojo and Jerry and Richard and Jeff worship for the first time. i remember the impossibility of it all that night in Michigan when we were standing in a circle and things just started happening. i remember late nights with my small group, not knowing what i was going to talk about and still being blown away by things my group members would say. i remember talking to Jojo about Muslims and i remember billy stepping up as a leader in michigan and i remember Sleeping Bag Sumo and wrestling with demons at the campsite and trying to change seats every five minutes in our cramped van.
i remember times when all i wanted to do was quit. i remember times when i fell so hard, when i chose to compromise, when i let sin get the best of me. i remember some of my failures. failures with relationships and failures to be real. i remember what it feels like to be tired and to be stagnant with God. i remember what it feels like to have God show you something you haven't seen before, to run like you've never run before. i remember running my last real race ever and having John Spencer tell me that i was a man of God. i remember running my last cross country race and coming back for Friday night, feeling the indescribable pain in my legs, and thanking God because He had given me what i had asked for.
today was the first day i was in a room with four or five different people and i saw how much they wanted God in their hearts. how sold out they were, how desperate they were to catch a glimpse of God. they wanted Him more than they wanted themselves. truly, as simple as it sounds. and i saw God satisfy.
it seems as if God is calling me to love people. to see the people that no one sees, to let myself be associated with people who haven't really had people in their lives tell them that they're okay. that they're worth time. they're worth energy. that someone would give everything away for them. and by spending time with these people, i will get to love on them. i will get to witness... that they're really no different from me. i'm just like them.
God is good. He has...fixed my problems. my dilemmas, and He has seriously turned them into something amazing. something beyond beautiful, beyond explanation and scientific reason. He has given me something to live for, something worth remembering, something worth holding close to my heart. if i didn't have God, sure. i guess i could do absolutely whatever i wanted. but that wouldn't be liberating at all. i would be living lies. and all i would have would be myself and my reputation and things like money and all those things would pass away.
but i think with God...things aren't like that at all. i think with God, it doesn't matter if i'm going through heaven or hell. it doesn't matter if everything is fine or if i hate myself and need someone to comfort me or i shot and murdered a guy and am wondering if i should do the same to myself. His love never changes. He never changes. there's a lot of things i can't understand, and a lot of things i have trouble believing. but i'm starting to let go. because i think with God... you get what you need. regardless of whatever impossibilities we attach to it, i think it's actually satisfying. it actually doesn't get old or stupid and it's not a blind faith, and you can question God and things are perhaps better that way. and i'm trying to base my life on this principle. God is life.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
hey guys, how's it going? well, that blog got started: it's called wci-chapteraday.blogspot.com, and it's actually been working well. we've been reading through 1 Corinthians and it turns out that we've got about five people reading and posting and none of them seem to get what i get from reading the text. so it's great, and there are a lot of different perspectives that add a lot.
anyways, college has been okay. man, the weeks are the longest. but things are sorta settling into a balance. whenever i go to Burger King, i will get 2 crispy tacos, 2 rodeo cheeseburgers (though interchangeable with the Spicy Chick'n'Crisp), and a Coke Icee. on top of that, my job at Cafe Plaid is cool. Happy Hour (that is, beer) brings in a huge crowd, and i even met some runners yesterday. crazy fast runners. there was a guy from Jenks with a 4:24 mile. so...yeah. pretty intense. i have also been running lately, though not very consistently, and i think i might actually be gaining weight from everything that i've been eating at Burger King and elsewhere.
so...this post was to point to that chapter a day website that we've been posting on, and to say that God is great. this past week was a terribly hard week that would not end, but today was simply amazing. it really was. i cracked friday night, but i was talking to billy and he reminded me that God was still God, through everything. i didn't matter. and so my flaws don't matter. no matter how much i fail, it's still not going to matter. God is still God and He is still going to get what He wants. He's still gonna be lifted high and glorified at the end. and that's what really matters. that's what i want to see happen.
so God has sustained and provided. man, you don't even want to know what He did for me. there was a math test. at 8:30 in the morning. i didn't study for it at all. half the test might have been just waking up in time. well, that morning i actually woke up on time. more than that, i had energy. i got to the test that i hadn't studied for, and...i was the first one out. i don't think i missed anything....God is nice. i just read this in 1 Corinthians 4. it asks "what do you have that you didn't receive? then why do you boast about it like you had not received it?" the thing is...i received that grade. and today he kept my mind and my eyes pure. that hasn't really happened in a while...i received that too.
anyways, yeah. eyes fixed on God. hope you guys are having a good time. if you have prayer requests, you can hit me up at david.w.chang-1@ou.edu
anyways, college has been okay. man, the weeks are the longest. but things are sorta settling into a balance. whenever i go to Burger King, i will get 2 crispy tacos, 2 rodeo cheeseburgers (though interchangeable with the Spicy Chick'n'Crisp), and a Coke Icee. on top of that, my job at Cafe Plaid is cool. Happy Hour (that is, beer) brings in a huge crowd, and i even met some runners yesterday. crazy fast runners. there was a guy from Jenks with a 4:24 mile. so...yeah. pretty intense. i have also been running lately, though not very consistently, and i think i might actually be gaining weight from everything that i've been eating at Burger King and elsewhere.
so...this post was to point to that chapter a day website that we've been posting on, and to say that God is great. this past week was a terribly hard week that would not end, but today was simply amazing. it really was. i cracked friday night, but i was talking to billy and he reminded me that God was still God, through everything. i didn't matter. and so my flaws don't matter. no matter how much i fail, it's still not going to matter. God is still God and He is still going to get what He wants. He's still gonna be lifted high and glorified at the end. and that's what really matters. that's what i want to see happen.
so God has sustained and provided. man, you don't even want to know what He did for me. there was a math test. at 8:30 in the morning. i didn't study for it at all. half the test might have been just waking up in time. well, that morning i actually woke up on time. more than that, i had energy. i got to the test that i hadn't studied for, and...i was the first one out. i don't think i missed anything....God is nice. i just read this in 1 Corinthians 4. it asks "what do you have that you didn't receive? then why do you boast about it like you had not received it?" the thing is...i received that grade. and today he kept my mind and my eyes pure. that hasn't really happened in a while...i received that too.
anyways, yeah. eyes fixed on God. hope you guys are having a good time. if you have prayer requests, you can hit me up at david.w.chang-1@ou.edu
Sunday, September 16, 2007
alternative to my Expository Writing homework
[catching up]
hey guys, a bit of catching up. sorry for the scarcity of posts...i just posted something before this, which i think is actually pretty good. been reading through John. a lot of things are going on. with the freedom of college, i think it really revolutionizes the idea of freedom. and with that freedom - more control of my time. i think it opens new doors to discovering what it means to really give your life to God, what it really means to be committed to Him. so i have been doing that. trying to pray more, trying to spend more time with God, something i think is harder in high school or at home, because everything is so structured
anyways, i've been meeting a lot of runners, and my job at Cafe Plaid is going fine. getting paid is nice, and i'm just a dishwasher, but i really must admit that i don't dislike it. i rather enjoy it. i like washing dishes. i even like it more than bussing tables. on top of that, classes are fine. i've plugged into a couple of ministries (the main one's called Chi Alpha), though i haven't really found a church for Sundays and i am really lacking a real fellowship, like a group of guys or friends that i can really be myself with and go deep.
[my "bright idea"]
i've been thinking about doing my own devotional. just pretty much going through a book of the Bible, a chapter of the day, and then writing about the chapter that night so that people could just follow along. so pretty much i would write the devotional the day before everybody else would read it. for example, i am thinking about starting Tuesday, so that anyone interested in reading could read the first day or chapter on Wednesday.
anyways, yes. the plan is a chapter a day, and i am thinking Hebrews, because it is pretty rich in material and is pretty good sized. i am wondering, if anybody would like to do this with me and write about it, that would be great, and i could set up something called a team blog so that multiple people could write on a blog to share what we are getting from the Scripture and how it relates to daily life.
so that's the plan. if you want to write with me, just contact me. comment on this or drop me an e-mail at david.w.chang-1@ou.edu . i think i will try to read the first chapter of Hebrews tuesday morning, and then write about it that night so that people could read it on Wednesday. wednesday morning i would read the second chapter and write about it that night, and people could read it on Thursday. there you have it.
hey guys, a bit of catching up. sorry for the scarcity of posts...i just posted something before this, which i think is actually pretty good. been reading through John. a lot of things are going on. with the freedom of college, i think it really revolutionizes the idea of freedom. and with that freedom - more control of my time. i think it opens new doors to discovering what it means to really give your life to God, what it really means to be committed to Him. so i have been doing that. trying to pray more, trying to spend more time with God, something i think is harder in high school or at home, because everything is so structured
anyways, i've been meeting a lot of runners, and my job at Cafe Plaid is going fine. getting paid is nice, and i'm just a dishwasher, but i really must admit that i don't dislike it. i rather enjoy it. i like washing dishes. i even like it more than bussing tables. on top of that, classes are fine. i've plugged into a couple of ministries (the main one's called Chi Alpha), though i haven't really found a church for Sundays and i am really lacking a real fellowship, like a group of guys or friends that i can really be myself with and go deep.
[my "bright idea"]
i've been thinking about doing my own devotional. just pretty much going through a book of the Bible, a chapter of the day, and then writing about the chapter that night so that people could just follow along. so pretty much i would write the devotional the day before everybody else would read it. for example, i am thinking about starting Tuesday, so that anyone interested in reading could read the first day or chapter on Wednesday.
anyways, yes. the plan is a chapter a day, and i am thinking Hebrews, because it is pretty rich in material and is pretty good sized. i am wondering, if anybody would like to do this with me and write about it, that would be great, and i could set up something called a team blog so that multiple people could write on a blog to share what we are getting from the Scripture and how it relates to daily life.
so that's the plan. if you want to write with me, just contact me. comment on this or drop me an e-mail at david.w.chang-1@ou.edu . i think i will try to read the first chapter of Hebrews tuesday morning, and then write about it that night so that people could read it on Wednesday. wednesday morning i would read the second chapter and write about it that night, and people could read it on Thursday. there you have it.
God wouldn't hold on to something He didn't view beautiful
A rabbi would only pick a disciple who he thought could actually do what he was doing. Notice how many places in the accounts of Jesus' life he gets frustrated with his disciples. Because they are incapable? No, because of how capable they are. He sees what they could be and could do, and when they fall short, it provokes him to no end. It isn't their failure that's the problem; it's their greatness. They don't realize what they are capable of.
God has an incredibly high view of people. God believes that people are capable of amazing things.
I have been told that I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that Jesus believes in me.
I have been told that I need to have faith in God. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that God has faith in me.
-Rob Bell, in Velvet Elvis
---
It goes back to one of the Scriptures that says "Be holy, for I am holy." God tells us to be holy, because He is holy. now He knows that we can't be Him - we can't be God - because we are just men and women, and we are the created, not the creators. but maybe what He's getting at is that just because we're not perfect, it doesn't mean that we can't be like Him. just because we struggle with sin and the things of the world doesn't mean we can't be lifted above it. God really thinks we can be like Him. in fact, the whole concept of being a Christian is being Christ like. the first people to be called Christians were done so because they were actually mistaken for Christ. they were like Christ.
the implications of this is that they must have been doing the things of God, they were doing the things that Jesus did. being humble, not caring about credibility. facing the Pharisees, being threatened and hated, but also freeing people. healing weaknesses and diseases and casting out demons and baptizing people and having a relationship with the Father and not bringing glory to themselves but to the Father. and doing miracles and praying. they were holy because He was and is holy.
the intro excerpt is from the book Velvet Elvis and it talks about how Jesus, a rabbi, called out some of his disciples, and the role of the rabbi was to have disciples who they believed could carry on doing what the rabbi was currently doing. the way Rob Bell made it sound was that the disciples usually went to the rabbi looking for something like an apprenticeship or internship, but here, Jesus goes to the people He had chosen, and asks them to follow Him. He has specific people in mind and He calls them out because not only does He want them, but He thinks that they are capable of carrying on what He is doing. to do His work, His will.
it says somewhere in the New Testament that good works isn't a reason to get proud about yourself because all of your good works were planned by God for you. this means that God planned out works for you to do...good works, even. works to be proud of. and if He planned them just for you, not only does that mean He must really know you and care about you, but He is giving you something that He believes you can handle. He has planned something for you that you should be able to do. i mean, we are sinners. but if we're children of the light, sons and daughters of God, then we're gonna do the work of God.
sometimes things get screwed up. lust or pride or thinking really malicious, stupid thoughts. and it's a stumbling block. a huge stumbling block, and it's easy to want to give up, thinking God wouldn't want me. i would just be a blemish on His perfect track record. i don't want to weigh Him down, i don't want Him to have to deal with me because i'm just going to keep falling to this sin. and the thing is... God wants you not because He is trying to be nice. He doesn't want you because He feels like He's doing charity or something. He wants you because He really sees something beautiful in you.
it's like you have this great God, this really beautiful, amazing, infinitely and eternally large God who is true and just and right and loving all at the same time. someone who loves and lets Himself be vulnerable while simultaneously not letting Himself be taken advantage of and not letting people get away with the things that they try to get away with. and i think of this perfect God and wonder why He might die for me. it's because He thinks that we're beautiful. someone so beautiful wouldn't hold on to something that He didn't think was beautiful. God wouldn't hold on to and die for something of no value. He really wants us. He really loves us.
He has a high view of us. He wants us to be like Him; He believes that we can be like Him. He believed this so much that He let Himself die just so that we could have a chance to prove Him right.
God has an incredibly high view of people. God believes that people are capable of amazing things.
I have been told that I need to believe in Jesus. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that Jesus believes in me.
I have been told that I need to have faith in God. Which is a good thing. But what I am learning is that God has faith in me.
-Rob Bell, in Velvet Elvis
---
It goes back to one of the Scriptures that says "Be holy, for I am holy." God tells us to be holy, because He is holy. now He knows that we can't be Him - we can't be God - because we are just men and women, and we are the created, not the creators. but maybe what He's getting at is that just because we're not perfect, it doesn't mean that we can't be like Him. just because we struggle with sin and the things of the world doesn't mean we can't be lifted above it. God really thinks we can be like Him. in fact, the whole concept of being a Christian is being Christ like. the first people to be called Christians were done so because they were actually mistaken for Christ. they were like Christ.
the implications of this is that they must have been doing the things of God, they were doing the things that Jesus did. being humble, not caring about credibility. facing the Pharisees, being threatened and hated, but also freeing people. healing weaknesses and diseases and casting out demons and baptizing people and having a relationship with the Father and not bringing glory to themselves but to the Father. and doing miracles and praying. they were holy because He was and is holy.
the intro excerpt is from the book Velvet Elvis and it talks about how Jesus, a rabbi, called out some of his disciples, and the role of the rabbi was to have disciples who they believed could carry on doing what the rabbi was currently doing. the way Rob Bell made it sound was that the disciples usually went to the rabbi looking for something like an apprenticeship or internship, but here, Jesus goes to the people He had chosen, and asks them to follow Him. He has specific people in mind and He calls them out because not only does He want them, but He thinks that they are capable of carrying on what He is doing. to do His work, His will.
it says somewhere in the New Testament that good works isn't a reason to get proud about yourself because all of your good works were planned by God for you. this means that God planned out works for you to do...good works, even. works to be proud of. and if He planned them just for you, not only does that mean He must really know you and care about you, but He is giving you something that He believes you can handle. He has planned something for you that you should be able to do. i mean, we are sinners. but if we're children of the light, sons and daughters of God, then we're gonna do the work of God.
sometimes things get screwed up. lust or pride or thinking really malicious, stupid thoughts. and it's a stumbling block. a huge stumbling block, and it's easy to want to give up, thinking God wouldn't want me. i would just be a blemish on His perfect track record. i don't want to weigh Him down, i don't want Him to have to deal with me because i'm just going to keep falling to this sin. and the thing is... God wants you not because He is trying to be nice. He doesn't want you because He feels like He's doing charity or something. He wants you because He really sees something beautiful in you.
it's like you have this great God, this really beautiful, amazing, infinitely and eternally large God who is true and just and right and loving all at the same time. someone who loves and lets Himself be vulnerable while simultaneously not letting Himself be taken advantage of and not letting people get away with the things that they try to get away with. and i think of this perfect God and wonder why He might die for me. it's because He thinks that we're beautiful. someone so beautiful wouldn't hold on to something that He didn't think was beautiful. God wouldn't hold on to and die for something of no value. He really wants us. He really loves us.
He has a high view of us. He wants us to be like Him; He believes that we can be like Him. He believed this so much that He let Himself die just so that we could have a chance to prove Him right.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
grace and its impossible implications
catching up: i've been reading through John in the Message Remix translation, it's pretty good. trying to see who the real Jesus, what He was really like. also went to Kai Alpha tonight, Thursdays are my favorite days. went to Journey on Tuesday night, it's also pretty good. start a new job tomorrow, at Cafe Plaid. hope i'm not working that much. going to give some to God and then my mom, and then maybe buy a camera or...celebrate some way, i'm not really sure. the big OU-Miami game is this weekend. had grace to run tonight. today was a good day.
i think i would rather prefer things to be impossible. more of God, less of me. it occurs to me that things would be a lot better if i could look at things through "grace glasses," like a lens. if i could look at everything and say, "man, i really didn't deserve that," or "i shouldn't have been able to do that. that wasn't me." if i could get away from pride and live my life under God's grace, just like that song that says His grace is enough, then i think things would be good.
there were a couple of things i thought about during worship tonight at Kai Alpha.
i look around my life and i see some great things. and this is grace. you know how i said that i wished things were impossible? things should be impossible. things shouldn't be like the way they are. i shouldn't be able to run or apply myself and get good grades or get to think of myself as popular and i shouldn't even get to challenge God or run from God or find myself so blessed by God. and even if my life had very little to do with experiencing God, i'd still have something in my life. i'd still have things i could be proud of, things i could remember for the rest of my life, period. and this is grace. because that should be impossible.
us being who we are. the miracle of life. you've done some pretty amazing things. and not to undermine them at all, but... it just kinda seems to me like we have something. and we don't deserve something. we deserve...not to be trusted. because we don't trust. we don't love, so what do we deserve? not to be loved? we don't go out of our ways to make others feel comfortable, we screw up and we can't help it, we hurt people around us no matter how hard we try not to, and we just can't keep ourselves from having mood swings and saying stupid things sometimes and not thinking things through. so what do we deserve? the last thing we deserve is for someone to die for us, much less a king, a god, a creator, our creator. we aren't that important.
what do we deserve? "those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh...to be carnally minded is death" (somewhere in Romans or Hebrews). we have these great things, things we can really be proud of. and yet...it's impossible. things shouldn't be like this. you see? this is grace! things were impossible. God made this possible. even when we aren't giving back to Him, even when we refuse to look Him straight in the eye and see our situation, He still makes things possible. this is grace.
the first time i had grace to run, it was just so obvious. it was the middle of the workout and i was just running mediocre times in the beginning, but towards the middle, i was running with about the same effort as i had in the beginning, but i soon found myself towards the front of the pack, with the good runners. this wasn't supposed to happen, was it? so i did what anyone would have done. i ran my heart out, because i couldn't get enough. i couldn't run out...grace was just plain there. and i liked it. so i ran my heart out.
then there are other times, the workouts that aren't easy. the workouts that you look forward to, and even though they hurt, you still have grace to see the challenge and persevere through it, knowing that you will get to be faster. knowing that you will get to be put to the test and actually genuinely looking forward to it, not fearing it. this is grace.
then there are the workouts that you do fear. the workouts that are just like hell, where you can't go any faster and your energy is completely spent and yet you're not even close to hitting your times. and you probably know what i'm going to say. it's grace. still grace. because you're still out there running the workout. no matter how hard it is, remember - this should be impossible. there's no reason we should be running in the first place. impossible is nothing. it's all grace.
and this is the message of God. we were faced with the impossibilities, and God overcame them for us. if we could look at everything with this kind of recognition, this kind of abandonment of pride, some kind of dependence on God, then...i can only imagine what God would do. i can only imagine how much more He would show us that nothing is impossible. that He has bridged the gap. that the kingdom of grace knows no limits, no boundaries.
i think i would rather prefer things to be impossible. more of God, less of me. it occurs to me that things would be a lot better if i could look at things through "grace glasses," like a lens. if i could look at everything and say, "man, i really didn't deserve that," or "i shouldn't have been able to do that. that wasn't me." if i could get away from pride and live my life under God's grace, just like that song that says His grace is enough, then i think things would be good.
there were a couple of things i thought about during worship tonight at Kai Alpha.
i look around my life and i see some great things. and this is grace. you know how i said that i wished things were impossible? things should be impossible. things shouldn't be like the way they are. i shouldn't be able to run or apply myself and get good grades or get to think of myself as popular and i shouldn't even get to challenge God or run from God or find myself so blessed by God. and even if my life had very little to do with experiencing God, i'd still have something in my life. i'd still have things i could be proud of, things i could remember for the rest of my life, period. and this is grace. because that should be impossible.
us being who we are. the miracle of life. you've done some pretty amazing things. and not to undermine them at all, but... it just kinda seems to me like we have something. and we don't deserve something. we deserve...not to be trusted. because we don't trust. we don't love, so what do we deserve? not to be loved? we don't go out of our ways to make others feel comfortable, we screw up and we can't help it, we hurt people around us no matter how hard we try not to, and we just can't keep ourselves from having mood swings and saying stupid things sometimes and not thinking things through. so what do we deserve? the last thing we deserve is for someone to die for us, much less a king, a god, a creator, our creator. we aren't that important.
what do we deserve? "those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh...to be carnally minded is death" (somewhere in Romans or Hebrews). we have these great things, things we can really be proud of. and yet...it's impossible. things shouldn't be like this. you see? this is grace! things were impossible. God made this possible. even when we aren't giving back to Him, even when we refuse to look Him straight in the eye and see our situation, He still makes things possible. this is grace.
the first time i had grace to run, it was just so obvious. it was the middle of the workout and i was just running mediocre times in the beginning, but towards the middle, i was running with about the same effort as i had in the beginning, but i soon found myself towards the front of the pack, with the good runners. this wasn't supposed to happen, was it? so i did what anyone would have done. i ran my heart out, because i couldn't get enough. i couldn't run out...grace was just plain there. and i liked it. so i ran my heart out.
then there are other times, the workouts that aren't easy. the workouts that you look forward to, and even though they hurt, you still have grace to see the challenge and persevere through it, knowing that you will get to be faster. knowing that you will get to be put to the test and actually genuinely looking forward to it, not fearing it. this is grace.
then there are the workouts that you do fear. the workouts that are just like hell, where you can't go any faster and your energy is completely spent and yet you're not even close to hitting your times. and you probably know what i'm going to say. it's grace. still grace. because you're still out there running the workout. no matter how hard it is, remember - this should be impossible. there's no reason we should be running in the first place. impossible is nothing. it's all grace.
and this is the message of God. we were faced with the impossibilities, and God overcame them for us. if we could look at everything with this kind of recognition, this kind of abandonment of pride, some kind of dependence on God, then...i can only imagine what God would do. i can only imagine how much more He would show us that nothing is impossible. that He has bridged the gap. that the kingdom of grace knows no limits, no boundaries.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
something to invest myself in (A RANT)
it's been a while since i posted up here, and...well, here's something.
i've hurt a lot of people over the past few months, past few days. i've said a lot of crap and i've done a lot of crap, and i've managed to look pretty cool throughout it all. and now i'll say something that'll shock everyone. i'm sick of it all.
i'm sick of coming on here and being afraid of saying things because someone might get their feelings hurt. i'm sick of all of the finger pointing and jeering going on while lives hang in the balance and no one is willing to sit down and talk and realize exactly what it is they're doing. i'm sick of not being able to trust anyone, feeling like i'm being manipulated. and i'm sick of people who think they're Christians and aren't, who say they have this faith all the while it's like James 2 when it says that faith without works is stupid because it doesn't even help you out. it's just a freaking label. i'm sick of people who are so bent on pride that they won't approach God and even if they have problems, they think that they can handle everything on their own and they never know the significance of the things going on around them and how blessed they really are and yet the slightest inconvenience, a single bad day, will tick them off and send them running in the opposite direction as far away from God as possible because that bit of adversity somehow proves that God is a jerk.
and i'm sick because that person is me just about as much as anyone could ever be.
because my pride is consuming and i don't think things through and maybe even no matter how hard i try, i don't approach God with a way that my heart can be filled with His Spirit. i approach Him in a way that wants something, that is confused, that doesn't acknowledge that God is everything. this isn't a sob story.
at the same time, it's not a true story either. because truth be told...i know i'm a son of God. i know that He's called me as a son and i've answered that call (check that out...did someone say MACCSR theme?). it's just...i fall every now and then. and my pride gets in the way and i don't seize the day and maybe i do something stupid on a regular basis and maybe sometimes i don't even try, but sometimes i do. sometimes i try my heart out. and sometimes i don't. and that's when it's easy to get frustrated. that's when it's easy to throw the towel in, to say i never tried, to say i'm hopelessly lost, unredeemably damned.
i hate to put this up here after the impression i think i made at MACCSR Windermere, which was an incredible time. but this is part of who i am. i struggle... and my doubts and my fears annoy the stuffing out of me and the pride that i can't get rid of, but also seem to refuse to give to God, which is the only way it will truly be removed from the picture. i just can't wrap my mind around it, i guess. that the best thing i could ever do - the most i could ever do - is lay my life down, and that this will save me. i've heard it over and over again, and i might even acknowledge to believe that it's the way to go, but i just can't seem to do it.
anyways, playing bass at MACCSR was amazing. about an hour each day, my fingers were hurting, but i must admit that i was playing with skill that i've never had before. i had wanted to practice so that i could be really good, but it ended up that i didn't practice at all and ended up having a great time and playing better than i could have imagined. and i got to worship. and i got to fellowship. it was truly something great. met some amazing people there, had a great time.
came back, and there's this church called Journey that's this big mega church here in Norman, so i went there yesterday night with Daniel and Amyie and Aileen and it was pretty nice. worship was pretty good and the pastor spoke about Saul/Paul and how he took about 15 years of preparation for his ministry before he even started and how he didn't want us to accept his ideas and what he was saying, but to think them through and take what we would out of them, take what would make sense. and some or much of what he said made sense. that God does things in His own timing, and so if i'm not doing some extraordinary work at this very moment, it could be that God is simply preparing me for certain things. it could be that God is sending me through these difficult trials as preparation to witness to others who will go through the same thing. it is possible...that God is trying to get us to understand that we get our identity from him by trying to get as close and intimate to Him as we can instead of getting our identities simply from doing things.
because...it's not about the doing. you can beat the game of doing, and it's easy to start to think of things in terms of better when we're talking about doing. but being? it means we're simply loved on. we did nothing to receive what it is God is giving to us. the way He sees us, the love and anticipation and happiness and unflinching attention that He gives us is completely unprecedented, and we did nothing to deserve it. we were sinners. we were offenses to His kingdom. and God's response was to call us back into His kingdom, to be in His kingdom, simply by answering His call, and by nothing else.
if someone were to ask me how i got to be who i am now and have progressed to whatever level of faith i am at now, i wouldn't be able to say anything. i would say, "well...it's all God, you know," but that's not really an answer. i asked mike one time why i was saved and others weren't and he said, for some reason...it was like God's grace was there sometime and i jumped at it. i used to be able to look at runners and not care how fast or slow they were running. i wouldn't care about their times, i would just want to see their hearts and their hurts, because i realized then that success is relative, and if you could run your heart out one race with a terrible time, it was still a good race and a good day. i realized that success was relative. now i'm starting to think that God is relative.
God is personal, He means something different to every person, and when i think about God and what i like about God, there are good chances that i am thinking of someone very different from who you see, though it is still the same God who did the same things, and yet, does very unique things for each of us.
i guess what i'm trying to say is...God does different things. He works different ways through different people, He speaks differently, He moves differently. i think He means the same thing to everyone - He means a Savior, salvation, the answer to all of our problems, a reason for life - but i think He does things differently for people. that's how we can all be different and distinct members, yet united in the single body of Christ.
this is significant because, if God has each people doing very different things and if God has people doing things in their own unique ways where they genuinely can experience God, no matter what that looks like, the process of doing is undermined once again. it simplifies to...it doesn't matter what i do. it doesn't really matter what anyone does or what it looks like. but if they are really truly finding God there. take away all the assumptions of what serving God and following God should look like. if God is relative, that means that the things each of us does is going to be different, and that it's not going to matter. all that will matter is whether or not we will have seen God, whether or not He will have stolen our hearts and whether or not we will have run our hearts out trying to get to Him.
i realized last night that a life completely devoted to worshipping God would be a good life. regardless of what that might look like, you would at least know for yourself that you were onto something great. you would know God. and though your circumstances might really suck, you would still know God. God is life, you know?
i've hurt a lot of people over the past few months, past few days. i've said a lot of crap and i've done a lot of crap, and i've managed to look pretty cool throughout it all. and now i'll say something that'll shock everyone. i'm sick of it all.
i'm sick of coming on here and being afraid of saying things because someone might get their feelings hurt. i'm sick of all of the finger pointing and jeering going on while lives hang in the balance and no one is willing to sit down and talk and realize exactly what it is they're doing. i'm sick of not being able to trust anyone, feeling like i'm being manipulated. and i'm sick of people who think they're Christians and aren't, who say they have this faith all the while it's like James 2 when it says that faith without works is stupid because it doesn't even help you out. it's just a freaking label. i'm sick of people who are so bent on pride that they won't approach God and even if they have problems, they think that they can handle everything on their own and they never know the significance of the things going on around them and how blessed they really are and yet the slightest inconvenience, a single bad day, will tick them off and send them running in the opposite direction as far away from God as possible because that bit of adversity somehow proves that God is a jerk.
and i'm sick because that person is me just about as much as anyone could ever be.
because my pride is consuming and i don't think things through and maybe even no matter how hard i try, i don't approach God with a way that my heart can be filled with His Spirit. i approach Him in a way that wants something, that is confused, that doesn't acknowledge that God is everything. this isn't a sob story.
at the same time, it's not a true story either. because truth be told...i know i'm a son of God. i know that He's called me as a son and i've answered that call (check that out...did someone say MACCSR theme?). it's just...i fall every now and then. and my pride gets in the way and i don't seize the day and maybe i do something stupid on a regular basis and maybe sometimes i don't even try, but sometimes i do. sometimes i try my heart out. and sometimes i don't. and that's when it's easy to get frustrated. that's when it's easy to throw the towel in, to say i never tried, to say i'm hopelessly lost, unredeemably damned.
i hate to put this up here after the impression i think i made at MACCSR Windermere, which was an incredible time. but this is part of who i am. i struggle... and my doubts and my fears annoy the stuffing out of me and the pride that i can't get rid of, but also seem to refuse to give to God, which is the only way it will truly be removed from the picture. i just can't wrap my mind around it, i guess. that the best thing i could ever do - the most i could ever do - is lay my life down, and that this will save me. i've heard it over and over again, and i might even acknowledge to believe that it's the way to go, but i just can't seem to do it.
anyways, playing bass at MACCSR was amazing. about an hour each day, my fingers were hurting, but i must admit that i was playing with skill that i've never had before. i had wanted to practice so that i could be really good, but it ended up that i didn't practice at all and ended up having a great time and playing better than i could have imagined. and i got to worship. and i got to fellowship. it was truly something great. met some amazing people there, had a great time.
came back, and there's this church called Journey that's this big mega church here in Norman, so i went there yesterday night with Daniel and Amyie and Aileen and it was pretty nice. worship was pretty good and the pastor spoke about Saul/Paul and how he took about 15 years of preparation for his ministry before he even started and how he didn't want us to accept his ideas and what he was saying, but to think them through and take what we would out of them, take what would make sense. and some or much of what he said made sense. that God does things in His own timing, and so if i'm not doing some extraordinary work at this very moment, it could be that God is simply preparing me for certain things. it could be that God is sending me through these difficult trials as preparation to witness to others who will go through the same thing. it is possible...that God is trying to get us to understand that we get our identity from him by trying to get as close and intimate to Him as we can instead of getting our identities simply from doing things.
because...it's not about the doing. you can beat the game of doing, and it's easy to start to think of things in terms of better when we're talking about doing. but being? it means we're simply loved on. we did nothing to receive what it is God is giving to us. the way He sees us, the love and anticipation and happiness and unflinching attention that He gives us is completely unprecedented, and we did nothing to deserve it. we were sinners. we were offenses to His kingdom. and God's response was to call us back into His kingdom, to be in His kingdom, simply by answering His call, and by nothing else.
if someone were to ask me how i got to be who i am now and have progressed to whatever level of faith i am at now, i wouldn't be able to say anything. i would say, "well...it's all God, you know," but that's not really an answer. i asked mike one time why i was saved and others weren't and he said, for some reason...it was like God's grace was there sometime and i jumped at it. i used to be able to look at runners and not care how fast or slow they were running. i wouldn't care about their times, i would just want to see their hearts and their hurts, because i realized then that success is relative, and if you could run your heart out one race with a terrible time, it was still a good race and a good day. i realized that success was relative. now i'm starting to think that God is relative.
God is personal, He means something different to every person, and when i think about God and what i like about God, there are good chances that i am thinking of someone very different from who you see, though it is still the same God who did the same things, and yet, does very unique things for each of us.
i guess what i'm trying to say is...God does different things. He works different ways through different people, He speaks differently, He moves differently. i think He means the same thing to everyone - He means a Savior, salvation, the answer to all of our problems, a reason for life - but i think He does things differently for people. that's how we can all be different and distinct members, yet united in the single body of Christ.
this is significant because, if God has each people doing very different things and if God has people doing things in their own unique ways where they genuinely can experience God, no matter what that looks like, the process of doing is undermined once again. it simplifies to...it doesn't matter what i do. it doesn't really matter what anyone does or what it looks like. but if they are really truly finding God there. take away all the assumptions of what serving God and following God should look like. if God is relative, that means that the things each of us does is going to be different, and that it's not going to matter. all that will matter is whether or not we will have seen God, whether or not He will have stolen our hearts and whether or not we will have run our hearts out trying to get to Him.
i realized last night that a life completely devoted to worshipping God would be a good life. regardless of what that might look like, you would at least know for yourself that you were onto something great. you would know God. and though your circumstances might really suck, you would still know God. God is life, you know?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
