is this perfect?

in discouragement, i'm beginning to wonder if i am somehow in the perfect situation for God to use me in the Asian American community here at OU. i've already given up multiple times, made friends and lost them, formed leadership and lost it - in fact, i've fallen apart in my faith on an all-too-frequent basis and no one claim that i have any righteousness of my own. i feel like i only have one more real year on this campus and it seems my two hugest fans (the Asian American student life director and the old CRU director) left within a year of pursuing EPIC. additionally, i am in no way a real part of the Asian American community - and while that will probably be necessary, wouldn't it be outrageously cool and even Biblically consistent if it was really the weak outcast that was used to make a difference for the glory of God.

if this really ends up happening, no one will even remember my name. but there will be a difference that is undeniable. and so, i ask, is this perfect?

may i be transformed from the inside out, believing and trusting God in faith that He can do absolutely whatever He wills through me in any duration of time He wants, in any way He delights, and through whoever He wishes to involve. may my love be from Him and may my first steps be to do the dirty, menial work i so despise. to sweep away at the cobwebs of broken relationships, to initiate on the people i think will never change, to pray and be moved for those who could even talk behind my back. and may His name be lifted high because my life really is just a breath... i gotta do something with this quick breath. and by His grace and glory and favor, maybe it will happen.