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at the oneThing conference in Kansas City, i couldn't keep from lifting my hands in worship. it almost became a theme, believing that i couldn't help but gravitate towards worship. worship is like one of those things you never really turn off...it's about as much lifestyle as faith is. it changes the way you do things, it affects every area of your life.

i don't know why i'm writing. things have been a lot of ups and downs lately. three weeks to the end of school, Acquire the Fire this weekend back in Tulsa. in a lot of ways, i find that i am incredibly blessed. i could possibly be on a leadership team, training with both the BSU and OU CRU, and i have this huge opportunity to go to San Francisco this summer and then hopefully start an Asian ministry on campus next semester, which would be amazing. and yet, i do feel like something's wrong with the picture.

God is about excitement, adventure, life, breath and having your breath taken away. He's not predictable. His tender mercies are new every morning, not the same tender mercies, but new in that they don't grow old. as we move, God doesn't change, but continues to cover us.

i still don't know where i'm going with this. it feels like i can strive for all these different things, and in a lot of ways, i can finally become the person that i so wanted to become. and yet, it feels like i'm so far away. i...play the piano well. guitar. i could be a worship leader. Bible study, campus ministries, small groups. i could do a lot. i have nice friends and i know a lot of people. could i be dying inside?