a little...bewildered

http://billychia.com/

i was searching for a long lost song and found a chain of Christian blogs. the above link is one of a worship leader that links to a huge list of blogs by other worship leaders as well as blogs in general. it's pretty good, and i somewhat long to write like some of them do.

i'm kind of wondering...what is church for? i guess it is glorifying to God and it is certainly supposed to be edifying for each of us. i understand the analogy of Christians being called to be like a City on a Hill, but i also read in Donald Miller and agree that we can't really take that very seriously. we can't just stay in our churches in our self-proclaimed holiness and think we are being Godly. Jesus didn't coop himself up and disappear in the comfort of His own house (He probably didn't even have His own house). in fact, maybe the whole point is that Jesus came from that City on a Hill to us, underneath Him, and yet He didn't forget about His true identity. He still knew who He was and He maintained that position flawlessly, rubbing off on us more than we influenced Him. someone could tell He was from a metaphorical "City on a Hill" just by the way He lived, regardless of where He was physically.

then what is the church meant to do? the big Mars Hill church in Michigan pastored by Rob Bell has actually been working on a water filter that can take pond water and purify it so that it is safe to drink. there's a team of engineers and businessmen and prayers and worshippers probably working on this project so that it could be implemented into African communities where the water is not safe to drink. and i might respond to that by thinking, "maybe i should start going to Mars Hill," but the real point is that each church has its own purpose and churches are supposed to work together and there's really no reason our church should be any different from Mars Hill; there's also no real reason why our church should strive to be just like Mars Hill.

it's just...it's nice when there's a direction. when there's action, not entirely so that we can validate that we are Christians. but perhaps that's part of it. doing things is a lot easier than relationship with God. it even makes more sense, to go on a mission trip than spending the entire summer in quiet time with God. reading The Irresistible Revolution makes me want to go out and do missions and fight poverty, not exactly start praying more. but is not the church's connection to God primarily or necessarily through prayer?

i guess that's part of the church. finding what God's heart is. and we might be surprised at what we found. maybe it's just to be. maybe it's to change the world (wouldn't that be convenient, since we call ourselves World Changers International?) but i don't have the answer. not yet, i guess i'm trying to figure it out. maybe the goal is intimacy with Christ. to prepare people so that they can go out into the world and...continue to be intimate with Christ. and draw others to intimacy with Christ? maybe the whole point of everything is just to be intimate with Christ? who would have thought that?

anyways, if you read that last post, i guess i...might have been disillusioned again. ups and downs. i am getting better, i think, legitimately better. i'm not just saying i'm getting better. anyways, i feel better. i went running at the Huff and amyie was there, running with little sheets of paper with verses written on them to memorize as she ran. so... i took one of her papers. i realize why the Psalms are so resonant. because when you're feeling down, they really have a lot of promise in them. "Cast your care on the Lord, and He will sustain You. He will never let the righteous fall." the implications are huge. so i'm back into the Psalms again, and Hebrews 11 and 12.

i guess i'm running on an emotional high. by faith and grace, we'll see what happens in a week.