have i lost myself?

for some reason, i felt like crying today, without very much emotional hype, whenever i heard some slow music today.

sorry, holding back any real thoughts today - just an excerpt from my journal in New Mexico for our missions trip last year:

"I don't know what will be different in returning home. It will probably be a lot easier to lose focus, a lot easier to fall through the cracks of Christian standard, whatever that is. It might be harder to be who I want to be, or at least where I want to be, being at home with all sorts of responsibilities, distractions, and being in my comfort zone. I might have a harder time listening, a harder time functioning on lesser sleep, a harder time knowing all of this is real. Maybe that's why it's so important to acknowledge that we are always on the missions field, and God doesn't change, so He could be just as real today as He is in a month or the day after that. Leaving this place doesn't mean sinking back into pride, comfort, instant gratification - it doesn't mean playing the game of school and money and body - nothing has to ever change. Nothing ever has to change."

PS. i e-mailed the coordinator and apparently, there's a possibility that i will get to volunteer at the Thrive Music Festival, featuring artists like Tobymac, Newsboys, and Kutless. and Matthew West, who is really good.