conviction/what i'm learning/EPIC updates

hey guys, hope everyone's doing well. popping up with an update of everything at OU. these past couple of days, i feel like God has really been doing a number on my heart, and it was pretty much completely unprecedented. (if anything, it wasn't precedented by anything i have been doing.)

i'll tell you guys the truth of what happened.

Jonathan was at OU last week for about 4 days, speaking at our large group and meeting with a lot of students, including all of our EPIC leadership and some of my other friends. the Monday he was here, we had a large group meeting in a building that we weren't supposed to get because i turned in the paperwork late. i thought the meeting would go about an hour, but it actually stretched to almost two and a half hours. we had an icebreaker and worship, and then Jonathan had the opportunity to do pretty much whatever he wanted. we had about 11 or 12 people, about 4 of which aren't Christian.

Jonathan pretty much very directly and openly discussed the God of the Bible, making a pretty complete gospel presentation and getting feedback from pretty much everyone there. i caught a vision of the Holy Spirit rushing into the room like the Day of Pentecost, realizing that God could blow everything up for Him at any moment now, that it wasn't beyond Him. Jonathan talked about God desiring relationship with us, God being just, how we should pursue knowing who God is and what He is about before we dive fully into a blind faith. we are not to blindly submit to a God that we know nothing about, but we are to seek what He is all about, and decide for ourselves whether He is worth following each day, whether He is worth giving our lives to.

one of the guys came to a conclusion that, if God judges according to what is right in His eyes, then there is some danger if what is right in our eyes doesn't align with what God thinks is right. later, another of the guys said that the gospel seemed really appealing and that he wanted to hear more, but he said he would feel shameful if he really ended up believing in all of it. later, Jonathan met up with another one of my friends and gave the full gospel presentation again, talking for more than an hour about who God is.

felt really blessed, got a lot of resources, and really felt a lot more confident that something really crazy could happen.

---

for those of you who don't know, i started dating a girl named Suzi (some of you might have met her at Anthology - she plays worship for our EPIC). it's almost been 2 months now, but everything almost broke this past weekend (it was bad). she really got onto me for sexual impurity. after that happened last Saturday night, things really actually took off. it was a kind of conviction that could have only come from the Holy Spirit. my eyes were, in a sense, opened - i could see how far i've strayed from God, that i had become someone that i didn't like being.

because really, my heart for the past weeks or even months hasn't been for the things that God has a heart for. and i know i would have normally been so psyched when Jonathan came and was talking and presenting the gospel to my friends, some of which who have never received the full gospel presentation, but my mind was in another place. i simply wasn't focused.

and i think i'm beginning to realize a bit of what is going on. my heart hasn't been surrendered to God. i still do many of the right things, but i'm not passionate about it, not excited about it. and though i pray "let Your will be done," i'm honestly still very calloused and am pretty much unwilling to let my conduct be dictated by anything besides my own desires. i got to thinking, "why should God speak if i'm really not going to listen? why should He move if i'm not watching?" and i really haven't been waiting on Him, in terms of my conduct.

finally, i am really believing that God has just been waiting to do wonders and really bless me, or at least really reveal Himself to me at great levels (as He has promised), but the thing is that i haven't been paying attention. i haven't been waiting or watching, and so it is like God is waiting for me to get serious about Him before He moves again.

i realized i can't be serious about God without being serious about God's commandments.

and i realized that when you really love someone, you show it by your actions. it changes the way you live.

so God really has been blessing me immensely, and really blessing me now as i try to surrender absolutely everything. i'm more upbeat, and even my thoughts are a whole lot less judgmental. it's like i'm starting to have a heart for the things He has a heart for, like i'm really being changed into somebody different.

our EPIC leadership team is going to be going through a prayer devotional starting tomorrow: http://www.v2rfoundation.org/resources/PastorOh/ThePDL-E.pdf, a 21 day long "project."

things are certainly stirring up. recently, i read a book about the college revival (called Fireseeds), and it has really inspired me to dream. it has been more inspiring that if God moves, it won't matter who i am, and no one will be able to miss it. it's funny that, when it comes to God, competence doesn't mean much of anything...simply willingness. hopefully i remember that. right now, our leadership is composed of about 4 people, and i really hope to just continue to really pursue God and believe that He will reveal Himself in His timing and in His will. and to really wait on Him.

hope everyone is doing well. wanted to throw all of this stuff out there in hopes of encouragement, maybe something to think about, and just to witness that God is all too good to me. OU EPIC is continuing to move, and it is certainly exciting as i have seen 3 guys in particular take huge strides towards coming into relationship with Christ.

thanks for reading :)
david