what happened at Epic Bay

When God goes far beyond our imaginations and expectations of how He will move, those involved wake up one morning or reflect one night wondering, "Is this really my life? I can't believe it. This is greater than anything I could have dreamed..."

The way I got to the Epic Bay Area project was like one of those things you could see coming, even if it was a long shot. My friend Cheez-it had mentioned a mission trip to China this summer and we had been talking about it for 2 or 3 months. If one had asked what I was doing this summer at the time, I would have said I was going to China.

Though I had been planning on China, they needed a decision and money on short notice. I found myself in the library praying that God would give me an answer on whether or not to go. I flipped to a Psalm and felt as if God was saying, "I don't need You to go to China to bring me glory. I have other people who can do that." And then I seemed to hear, "I have greater plans for you."

So I turned it down. A bit of time passed, and frantically, I started considering an internship in Norman to spend my summer. After meeting and speaking with the guy from the company, it looked like they would offer the job to me - but I didn't really want to do it. The pay was pretty nice, and it would have given me experience, but it didn't excite me. I needed to get back to the guy by Monday, and when Sunday night rolled around, I was pretty unsure what I would do. I began to think maybe this was what God was calling me to spend my summer on, the greater plans He had promised, whether I wanted to do them or not.

That Monday, I randomly met for the first time with the OU CRU director, Shawn McGrath. He had contacted me via Facebook about grabbing lunch sometime - said that my name had come up earlier when he had talked with Tony Lee, the Asian American Student Life director.

So I met with Shawn and shared my testimony and what was going on, and we began to talk about establishing an Asian ministry on campus, and we talked about it like it could actually happen. Shawn brought up that, if I wanted training about starting an Epic movement, I might want to check out something called Summer Project that was in the Bay Area in California, around San Francisco. That was the first time I had heard the words summer project.

After that meeting, I could hardly contain my excitement - just talking about Asian ministries seemed to spark something inside of me, had made me come alive. I looked it up online and didn't know if there were any slots open or if the application process was still open, but I couldn't see how this wasn't God's greater plans, so that day, I started telling some of my close friends and my family that I would be going to San Francisco for the summer. I turned down the internship though I had no idea whether I would even be accepted to the project.

I worked on the application for about a week and sent it in - I was serious that there was only one thing I wanted to do this summer and that was to go to this Bay Area Project. Midway through finals week, I got the call - I was going! I headed off to a math review after the call and was overwhelmed with joy; some girls asked me what I was smiling about, and I hadn't realized I was smiling so much...then I told them I was going to San Francisco for the summer.

Before going on project, I remember being afraid that I wouldn’t fit in; when I arrived, I found that I was being welcomed with open arms, and, before long, we had become something bigger than ourselves. Our community was strong and encouraging, our vulnerabilities exposed, and our passion for Christ couldn’t go anywhere but up. Looking back, I couldn't have asked for anything greater this summer, and I cannot help but reflect and know that we took part in something great - that God did something for, with, and through us. All the relationships we formed, the words and lessons that were spoken, the failures we committed fearlessly - we had a freedom to fail, and by the last week when the staff had left, we were taking advantage of it. We were doing dangerous things for His name, and even our mistakes and failures were successes because we were drawing closer to God regardless of the results.

I saw boldness and courage being lived out. I saw actual examples of Christ followers, what it means to be meek, what it means to be real with yourself to everyone, and I've felt love from people, love like I've never felt before. Everyone taught me something and, in the process, let me see more of myself, to realize that I am everything but alone. I played Ultimate Frisbee with people who cared like no one else had cared around me before, and I ate Yogurtland with people who were and are stepping up to pursue God on their campuses, the real leaders of an Epic movement. I joked around and confided in people who will change the world, and I literally felt God's blessings through them. I felt the freedom of knowing my mistakes would not disqualify me, that I belonged and could even serve and lead in the body of Christ.

These past four weeks were seriously such an overflow of grace and energy. Day in and day out, God stirred in our hearts and got us to be vulnerable, to feel His touch on our hearts and His faithfulness in our despair. We talked about conflict resolution and authentic manhood and the needs cycle and God's truth was there and I began to change. My eyes were opened to a lot...why I act the way I do, why I struggle with the things that I do. And though the world around me might not change, I am beginning to realize my goal in life is not results, but to grow closer to God, to have a heart that cries out that His name is blessed and worthy unconditionally. By grace, I run and see that I am surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and friends running alongside me, friends that love with a heart similar to God's.

I had role models, leading by example and speaking truth into my life. When at first I had been afraid of not fitting in, I found I was actually being welcomed with open arms, with the comfort that God has provided (2 Cor. 1:3-5). It was a place of acceptance, a place of love.

And with love, anything is possible. We did dangerous things for God, attempted the impossible, and our hearts kept going regardless on the results. In fact, the results could only matter so much, but it was God's love raining down on us that was the glue of our lives and community, the only thing that mattered at the end of the day.

So in response to the last month, can I do anything but praise God? Can I deny Him myself? I know what the answer is, but I also know how hard it is to rely and depend on someone else for everything. Please be sober-minded, please be humbled. I never want to stop saying, "I want to do something dangerous for Christ. I want to press on beyond my comfort zone. I want God to have more and more of me and I want to be closer to Him than ever before."

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things with my dad have been all right. i haven't really sat down and talked with him at depth, but i've made more of an effort to speak to him and show him respect and love, and i think he is beginning to see that, but it still seems difficult. certainly bigger than myself. it's just that i don't think our home is really geared towards allowing him to step up and provide, or do anything more than just sit around all day. other than that, post mission syndrome hasn't been that intense, but a bit frustrating just being here. hope everyone's doing right, seem to be mostly waiting for college again, but...yep. God bless.