just give me God two

"The one thing that I do know is that if I don't learn to truly hear Your voice for myself and follow it diligently regardless of what others say, I could feel like a fraud for the rest of my life" -book called Red Moon Rising

things have been interesting lately. i've seen God nicely these past two days, but today i was beginning to get comfortable. i guess that's really the time when i start shutting my mind off towards God and just cruise on auto-pilot. but that's never supposed to be the case. i think a true Christian is constantly looking for ways to get more and more of God, not to get at a comfortable level where He's doing enough Godly things to get by. instead of just trying to do the bare minimum, the Christian is looking to go above and beyond - driven by desire and passion to know God more intimately than ever before.

these people change the world. these people have their eyes firmly fixed upon God, so that whether they are approved by men or not, their fullness is found in God. this passion makes people do crazy things. people might fast, might stop getting on Facebook so much because they don't see the point of letting it run your life. they might have an idea or a dream and go to great lengths just to see it happen. they don't wait around for other people to move; if they feel the calling, they go and do it themselves, and rejoice in the name of the Lord that they partake in His work.

but they don't shut their minds off. what would it mean to live fully for God? what would it truly mean to deny yourself and take up a cross? to speak boldly and in truth and in love, to live in purity and lovingkindness in a way that people literally cannot comprehend. not only to live up to a standard of difference, but to live to that standard so well that it actually makes people stop and wonder. a standard of love - to bear all things, endure all things, hope all things, and love the truth. to place others in such high position above yourself, with no regard to your own comfort or satisfaction.

i haven't really been doing that. reading Red Moon Rising has just sorta got me thinking what passionate, immaturely-in-love Christians could do for the name of God, with such an alarming lack of awareness of what can be done and what can't that they end up doing what no one has ever seen before, surpassing the dreams of the prophets.

anyways, i just liked the quote at the beginning from the book. things are a little chaotic, perhaps, with me lately, socially, and i need to hear from God. but it seems like a lot of what dictates what i do is what i want and what feel goods to me, even if i can justify it some way, and then speculation as to whether it is right or not. looking for ways to justify that it is right. anyways, i just really need to hear God. i need to make it a habit, to run recklessly, seemingly without regard for the people around me. God is so much bigger

God needs to be a priority for me. God, i pray You would just captivate my heart and keep me from turning my eyes from You. may i take the steps that it takes to follow after You, no matter the cost, as You have already paid the price and the life i lay down i will receive in abundance and fullness from You. but be my all in all. be my everything. be my breath of life, my sustenance on long days, my reason to try hard, my exceedingly great reward. be the reason i live, my comfort in time of need, my sweet song on a beautiful day.

my hands are stained with blood, but Yours has washed me clean. You continuously provide and i am more blessed that i can even fathom, more than i can even realize in this time right now. God, i pray that in this time, i would set aside everything and run to You. there is nothing else i am living for or running for that can even compete with You. that's just the way it is. You are God. and i am to be Yours.

so i pray. keep me going, bring me deeper. make me to lie down and submit, so that i learn that i don't know everything. so that i learn my own nature, that i must learn to lean on Your promises, to believe in Your character more than i believe in myself, to trust in Your plan more than i believe in the way the world operates.

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it's been a while since i posted up here. sorry about that. things have been hectic lately, with school, and the weekend is great. Big Event tomorrow (just some huge volunteer thing) and i think i'm painting or building sandboxes or something at an elementary school. played at the Union today for MidDay Music and had some good moments, among plenty of wrong notes. wednesday night was an organized prayer walk that was great, tuesday night was Cru, thursday night was Paradigm.

i've been a lot more God conscious than i usually am, which goes to God's glory. i look back and see all the times i've been blessed and i can't help but believe that i am truly blessed in this moment now, whether i feel it or not. i take everything for granted so easily, but there are so many small things, like being able to sing in tune or really get into the music when i play piano, to run without tiring, or to be God conscious when i wake up. grace to pray? now there's a blessing.