the gym

first post in a while that's more than just a rant or an update - guess i've been able to do a bit more thinking lately. i kind of feel like Thanksgiving break allowed me to regain a bit more momentum, in terms of getting priorities in order.

i don't usually run at the Huff (the gym at OU), just because when i run, i want to be able to go somewhere instead of going in circles and i want to just be able to think, zone out, not care about what i look like and not care about anybody else looking at me. years ago, running had the appeal in that it was my escape or getaway, and i could just kind of be by myself - solitude.

it got to the point that running in the Huff (or really any gym) was such a turn off that i vowed not to run indoors for my entire sophomore year. i tended to run harder and faster than i normally would when i ran at the Huff, and i was conscious that i usually ended up with judgmental thoughts the whole time (like "i'm so much faster..." junk). recently though, with cold weather, i've found myself logging more miles in the Huff.

i realize that the gym isn't for people who want to show off - that is really missing the point. but it seems that many people, including me, frequently use the gym to show off. (i know people get mad when others go up to the track and sprint laps, as if trying to make a statement or proclamation of speed to everyone else.) a gym, rather, is for people to work out. in other words, it's for work. it's not to show off what you've done - that is ridiculous, absurd. rather, it's to get in better shape, no matter what kind of shape you are in.

in the same way, a school isn't for people just to sit around and brag about how much they know. it's for learning. and a hospital isn't for healthy people to brag about how healthy they are - it's for the sick or injured who want and need to get better. and if these are true, then a church probably isn't for some kind of elite group to meet and shove their spirituality down the throats of others. a church is just like a gym or a hospital or a school - it's not for people to meet and show off, but for people who are looking to get better. just like how Jesus said that He didn't come for the healthy and rich, but for the sick and poor.

[if you ask, "what about the pastor?" i would respond that the pastor can't and shouldn't put himself on a pedestal. rather, he has been given a spiritual gift (of teaching) and offers that gift to others, but can't say that he's more important or more right, just like the hand can't say it doesn't need the foot in the body.]

[if church were simply a place for religious heavyweights to meet and brag about their works or morality, then i wouldn't want a piece of it. and if heaven were simply a place for those who were good enough to meet and bask in their good-enough-ness, i wouldn't want to be there as much as i wouldn't want to be at a hospital where people are just trying to show how healthy and fit they are.]

and i think this is what is hard to grasp, because churches are all too commonly filled with braggarts. but the truth is: God's people are weak. Deuteronomy explicitly states that the people of God were not chosen because they were greater than other nations - it wasn't that they were bigger or richer or in anyway better than all the other nations - it was because they were in fact lesser. it says this very explicitly, and this same idea is later re-emphasized in 1 Corinthians 1 when Paul says God very specifically chooses and uses the poor and foolish to bring down the strong and wise. and part of the reason (but not all of the reason) He does this is so that no one will have the right to brag (this is also Romans 3:27).

but then why is there still bragging? or why do we live in such a way that we seem to be bragging?

i realized on Sunday that i was a bit mad, because i felt like a lot of people were judging me, thinking that i was saying things that i wasn't saying. i even felt this way about other Christians. but looking at Matthew 5's beattitudes, the last one says that one is blessed when one is persecuted and reviled and people say false things about that one for Jesus' sake. verses later, it is revealed that we are to be the light of the world and that a city on a hill cannot be hidden - so we are to continue to show our good works to all and not to hide them from the public eye. Matthew 6 then opens that we should do nothing to be seen by men, but that we should meet God on such a personal level that it can be considered a "secret place."

some things come from this - since i feel judged, one thing i also feel like doing is to show by my works that i am actually not so bad and not so much of a jerk as the title of Christian seems to carry. i feel like doing as much as i can in the public eye so that people realize that i am actually a great guy. but Matthew 6 stops me short, building on what Jesus said before. i am blessed when people judge me and say false things about me for His sake. and i am to continue to be seen by man so that they might see my works and end up praising God. but i am also not to be driven by the idea of being seen by men (just like a gym or school or hospital isn't for showing off). i am to continue to work, but i am to do everything for God alone, and i am not to work to try to change the minds of others.