hey guys. here again, closing off a section of my life and starting anew. part of that is just this idea of a new year, part of it is that my sister just got married yesterday, and it is still a bit strange for me to think that she will be living in a different house. the past two days have been pretty chaotic, but, i think about it, and realize that it's been pretty chaotic for my mom and sister for at least weeks now. hopefully my sister gets a huge chance to relax - no joke - now that the covenant has been sealed.
and, well, as for me...i guess i'm just waiting to see what happens. i have two very great friends that i went to Chicago with one spring break a couple of years ago who are getting married this week - so back-to-back weddings, and i get to be an usher. i spent nearly my whole freshman year growing with them spiritually - being in a small group together, i started reading my Bible regularly for the first time and began to re-realize the importance and significance of prayer. we read a book the second semester about the prayer room movement and gathered on Wednesday nights for dinner and discussion. we were even able to do a fast and several hours of prayer last year. so hopefully their wedding will be great - that's next week.
the week after, i'll get the chance to be in San Francisco for a couple of days for the Epic West Coast Conference. i've been sorta waiting for this since i made friends at project this past summer and we left. i've almost forgotten what it is like to live in Godly community, to really feel God's love through the unity of His people. man, what a great month. i wonder if i'll get a chance to run. regardless, i can't wait to see a lot of people.
after the conference, i get to spend a night in San Fran, miss a day of school, and come back right in time for the first CRU of the year at OU. don't really know what this new semester holds in store - hopefully i will be able to stay on track and schedules work out for Epic small groups. we managed to have one last semester, and i'm sorta hoping we can establish two, and also establish as a student organization so we can reserve rooms and just kinda be recognized. i've been thinking lately of all of these different things we could do, hoping that we really will be like a single body, moving and growing with momentum, to be a God-centered community, inviting and loving and praying and serving and loving some more. [i really should be praying more diligently for it and for everyone.] i've been thinking of praise nights at the Union and prayer nights at Sarkeys and the Epic conference in Dallas in February.
but really, whatever happens, the only real thing i can do is praise His name. to remember my past and hope for the future. i read through Habakkuk today in church, and most of it was a bit confusing. actually, the only part i really remember are the very last two or three verses, that say that, no matter what happens - in life and death, in sickness and health, essentially - i will praise the Lord and look to Him. though i may be weak, i will lose myself in Him, for He is strong. though i am faithless and inconsistent and irresponsible, that is all the more reason to praise and exalt One who is faithful and doesn't change and loves on us in a way that our hearts cannot even fathom.
felt like today was kind of lame, didn't know if my heart was being sincere. i didn't really pay attention at TCCC (hence, reading Habakkuk) and we didn't even have youth group. afterwards, i took a nap, and went to Guts church. during worship, i tried to pray and get into it, and felt like God was just telling me to be still and sorta enjoy the music. dozed throughout the short sermon (the whole service was less than an hour) and then drove home. been on the computer, with a little bit of reading and guitar, since, and feeling like i've sorta wasted the time.
new years resolutions? usually i try to set these. i think i've sorta gotten a big head lately. i know i don't love like Jesus did. i show a lot of partiality. just a day or two ago, someone corrected me, and my response was anything but Godly. whether or not it was legit, my response certainly wasn't. i fumed over it for several hours before i let it go, silently and wordlessly cursing in my mind. i guess my resolutions aren't that clear. i thought about trying to resolve to spend more time in the prayer room at the Loft, since i wasn't able to do that this past semester. reasserted my resolution to stay single for the rest of the school year. i don't know what will happen after that. it makes sense that that kind of resolution should be more of a heart condition than... just a rule that is followed.
i want to be wherever i go. does that make sense? wherever i go, i want to really be there, for my mind or heart to be there. i remember, one time in Tanzania, we went to the Serengeti, the world's largest natural wildlife preserve. when we were getting there, i was admittedly falling asleep in the jeep. i wasn't there. at my sister's wedding, i'm sorry and confess, i don't know how much of me was there. this semester, i guess i just want to be there, wherever i go. not to miss out. but to live each day like it's the only day i have, because things truly are that way.
hope anyone reading this is having a good time. will catch you guys later :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment