caution: this was written under the assumption of sweeping generalizations that could be harmfully stereotypical, but are not exactly considered offensive by the writer. please note that all golf fans do not look alike, just as not all Chinese people know kung fu and not all Christians are jerks (some are though, just as many Chinese people know kung fu or are horrible drivers)
i volunteered at the PGA championships at Southern Hills, Tulsa, three times this past week. not exactly because i am a die hard golf fan... i think i might have been one of a very small percentage out there that wasn't the slightest of a golf follower. but i volunteered because i liked the idea of selling ice cream and getting to see the masses of crowds that come out from everywhere to watch the best compete.
upon my first few moments at Southern Hills, i realized i had missed some memo it looked like everyone else had received. apparently if i wanted to fit in with all of these golf fanatics, i should have worn khaki shorts, sometimes cargos, with a belt, and a solid or striped polo shirt tucked into the shorts. above that, i should have either really sweet shades or some kind of hat or visor (as it is amazingly hot) or both, and unanimously cool shoes are absolutely mandatory. i repeat, golf fans have really cool kicks. really cool. on top of that, whenever they use the term "couple," they always seem to mean the number 2, as in "I'd like a couple of frozen lemonades," and they might call you "guy," as in "I'd like a couple of frozen lemonades, guy"
just on the basis that i wasn't wearing a polo shirt had me isolated, feeling left out. and, on top of that, i didn't even like golf. based on all of these generalizations i have made, i started wondering what i would do if i wanted to like golf. and automatically, i considered that it would take a polo shirt and some really nice Nike's. and i would have to go to a bunch of tournaments, such as this one - the PGA championship - and withstand the smashing heat to spend an entire week of watching people hit golf balls around. i would fit in with everyone else, looking just like them, and i would sit in the stands and make sure to clap and applaud when someone hit a good shot and then say things like "I'd like a couple of frozen lemonades"
and then i realized that this is only what i would do if i wanted to associate with people who like golf. i realized i could fit in very well with them without liking golf at all; i could fit in and fool everyone without the passion that they shared... but i could fit in, nonetheless. but what's the point of looking like you like golf and hanging with people who like golf and perhaps reaping whatever benefits golf fans enjoy if you don't like golf to begin with? i think, when it really boils down to it, a golf fan has all of these characteristics regarding things they do and what they look like, but if you were to simplify a golf fan to one thing, their mannerisms wouldn't matter anymore. it wouldn't be about the clothes or the lingo or even the really nice shoes - it would boil down to something as cheesy sounding as "the love of the game."
in the same way, people look at Christians. what would i want to do if i were to become a Christian or if i wanted to fit in with Christians? i would probably go to church. read my Bible, do what is called praying to God or blessing the food. give some money to charity or something, go to Bible studies. and when everything is stripped away, it's not how well you looked or sung or whether you never missed a Sunday your whole life or whether you have a degree in divinity hanging on your wall. it's not even how many souls you might have saved or whether you spoke in tongues or prophesied or had enough faith to move a mountain. it's the passion. love of the game, but here, it's a love of God.
and this is what gets lost in translation, or in generation. because being Christian isn't about all of these different things that we do, about praying before we eat and going to Sunday every morning and shouting "amen" at the right time in a sermon. being a Christian doesn't take any of this stuff. it's all hype, someone could say - it's all just things that are supposed to bring us closer to God, and if they are used as anything but tools, then they're just things being done to fit in or a habit that shouldn't have ever become a habit or a regular rhythm.
on a last note, golf isn't for everyone. i don't really like golf, as of now, but i'm sure i would begin to like it if i could see what made everyone else fall in love with it in the first place. but still, golf isn't exactly for the blind or the physically disabled or middle aged women with identity crises. but i think God is for everyone. i think God is life and love, and i think everyone deserves that. not everyone can golf or fall in love with golf because golf won't exactly fix their needs or help them with their burdens. but i think God's for everyone. no one's an exception. but it doesn't take looking anything like what you might think Christians should look like. it doesn't take nice clothes or being a jerk or singing songs, and it should never be about these things. it should just be trying to get to God. falling in love, finding a passion.
and this is why i say golf is like God.
---
here in college, my resident director Daniel is one of the most Christian guys i know, to use the term Christian as a follower of Christ, and he has said that he's not a very religious guy at all. he's said he has no problem with doing Bible studies in a bar. and he likes Family Guy. when i told my roommate Evan that Daniel had the first three seasons, Evan was surprised, because he said that just in knowing him for the couple of hours that he had, he would not suspect that he be a Family Guy fan. i told him that Daniel would surprise him. i didn't say it, but i realized later that what Daniel was doing was redefining faith.
some evangelists, some Christians will say that faith has to work a certain way, that in order to love God, you have to do certain things, and i guess it is essentially saying that if you love God, then you should appear in a certain way, like a golf fan might want to say that a certain person couldn't like golf looking like that, though that is taking the golf metaphor to an extreme (i wouldn't be surprised if golf fans were more inviting than Christians). doing gets caught up with passion, with love.
being around OU, where everyone is Christian, forces faith to be redefined. there's a difference between being saved and running to get closer to God. it is easy to stop at salvation and get in the rut of doing things and performing actions, but faith should be alive. it should be constantly put to the test so that it can be strengthened and renewed, it should be showing up in all areas of life because it is actually relevant to the now and what we deal with and how we live our lives.
in a sense, we're breaking away from all of this doing. we're going to keep praying and reading our Bibles and singing songs and taking communion, but it's not the doing of them that's important or that even justifies us as worshippers or followers. it's our hearts that God is listening to. because if you take a real Christian who does Christian things and a nonChristian who does Christian things, neither one is better. anyone can go to church their whole lives and learn the whole routine of how to be a Christian, but then it might just be doing. God listens to our hearts, and He does so in secret. He doesn't listen to our hearts and exclaim to Himself, "this guy is so much more pure than the next." He listens if we want to be better than the others. if we want to be successful, if we want to win our battles, if we want to be someones in this world and do things for Christ, if we want to make it to happen.
but i think what He really wants to be able to hear is a desire for Him. to know His heart. to realize that being someone to God means you don't have to be someone to the world, and so doing becomes irrelevant. i get into this problem where i really want to do something for God and i can't tell if it's just because i want God and i want to experience Him and let Him work through me, or whether i just want to do something to be someone, to be looked high upon instead of lifting God high. in this case, it would be better that i not go off and start a church or do anything. it'd be better that God keep me from doing anything so that i could fall in love with Him instead of falling in love with who God makes me to be. and that even in my doing something - even if i am partaking in the work of God - it's not about the doing. it's about falling in love with God.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
my first homework binge
my first homework binge, an Expository Writing essay about war crimes. worked on it for two hours, and i think i have something good enough to satisfy myself. Went to Chi Alpha Ministries tonight and things were simply amazing. i've been getting different perspectives on God lately, i guess you could say.
one night i played worship with Aileen, the same day i had been criticizing Christians on Campus, and God was a little like a lion. Someone who didn't deserve (definitely didn't deserve) to have people walk around telling others that they represented Him when they couldn't even love one another. how...i have no business telling people that i'm a Christian if i can't love other people or genuinely want to communicate with someone (deep calling out to deep).
and today...it was like i wanted to get closer to God because i wanted to get to take part in His work. and when it says to count it all joy when you fall into various trials in James 1, it really meant that you should count it all joy. you should enjoy it... because God's changing you. saving, enabling, disciplining you. making you faster. getting you to a point where you can join Him in His work.
then there's the ever important point that we can't do it. we can't beat sin. God's bigger than sin, and He's the only way we overcome. so i really want to run as fast as i can, while i stilll have to remember that i can never run fast enough, and that i'm not bigger than sin and fall horribly and miserably short out of my own strength. this is difficult.
and there's another important point. with God, being yourself is the only way to go. it's the only way that matters and it even makes sense to just be yourself when it comes to ministry. just as long as you are in God's will, just be yourself, and talk about what you want to talk about and do the things that you want to do. you're free to run and dance and live, so don't hold back. i guess it gets more complicated when it comes to ministry because it needs to be God's timing and God's will, but it's still essentially the same thing. just be yourself and do what you can - love on people. and God will do the impossible. He'll do the saving...He is, after all, in the business of saving lives.
it really does strike me that..college is a place to grow. it's not exactly a place to do, and it shouldn't be about doing, but if we could do things simply out of a desire to get closer to God...then we'd be closer to God. it wouldn't even matter about the things we did or do or didn't do. this is something i have a very hard time understanding.
as of late, i've been thinking about how to get to certain steps in my walk with God, and it seems like i should have to do things like read the Bible or get in a whole bunch of small groups or church fellowships and whatnot and complete a Bible course online or finish my five year plan. but it's not about that. it's about God's plan, and if He needed me to be ready for something in a split second, a single instance, then i would suddenly have it, regardless of whether i should be able to do it or not, regardless of whether i was ready. this is what i struggle with. i look around and see Godly men and women and i wonder how they got to be where they are with God, and i think it's something they did, and i guess it is in part something they did. they desired God. they simply wanted Him... this is my prayer.
one night i played worship with Aileen, the same day i had been criticizing Christians on Campus, and God was a little like a lion. Someone who didn't deserve (definitely didn't deserve) to have people walk around telling others that they represented Him when they couldn't even love one another. how...i have no business telling people that i'm a Christian if i can't love other people or genuinely want to communicate with someone (deep calling out to deep).
and today...it was like i wanted to get closer to God because i wanted to get to take part in His work. and when it says to count it all joy when you fall into various trials in James 1, it really meant that you should count it all joy. you should enjoy it... because God's changing you. saving, enabling, disciplining you. making you faster. getting you to a point where you can join Him in His work.
then there's the ever important point that we can't do it. we can't beat sin. God's bigger than sin, and He's the only way we overcome. so i really want to run as fast as i can, while i stilll have to remember that i can never run fast enough, and that i'm not bigger than sin and fall horribly and miserably short out of my own strength. this is difficult.
and there's another important point. with God, being yourself is the only way to go. it's the only way that matters and it even makes sense to just be yourself when it comes to ministry. just as long as you are in God's will, just be yourself, and talk about what you want to talk about and do the things that you want to do. you're free to run and dance and live, so don't hold back. i guess it gets more complicated when it comes to ministry because it needs to be God's timing and God's will, but it's still essentially the same thing. just be yourself and do what you can - love on people. and God will do the impossible. He'll do the saving...He is, after all, in the business of saving lives.
it really does strike me that..college is a place to grow. it's not exactly a place to do, and it shouldn't be about doing, but if we could do things simply out of a desire to get closer to God...then we'd be closer to God. it wouldn't even matter about the things we did or do or didn't do. this is something i have a very hard time understanding.
as of late, i've been thinking about how to get to certain steps in my walk with God, and it seems like i should have to do things like read the Bible or get in a whole bunch of small groups or church fellowships and whatnot and complete a Bible course online or finish my five year plan. but it's not about that. it's about God's plan, and if He needed me to be ready for something in a split second, a single instance, then i would suddenly have it, regardless of whether i should be able to do it or not, regardless of whether i was ready. this is what i struggle with. i look around and see Godly men and women and i wonder how they got to be where they are with God, and i think it's something they did, and i guess it is in part something they did. they desired God. they simply wanted Him... this is my prayer.
Monday, August 20, 2007
should have seen this one coming
my running spiel for today - had grace. three miles in, all very fast. amazing. felt great. and i shouldn't be running this fast. truly. must have been God's grace.
well, there's one thing that should be noted. some people get their identities from their jobs or the things that they own or the things that they have accomplished. and it's weird because Christians are supposed to get their identities from God from simply knowing that God loves them and has redeemed them just as He loves and hopes to redeem everyone. so Christians aren't supposed to get their identities or any kind of justification from what it is they do - so getting caught in doing is completely wrong, or, i guess, a spirit of religion. i was talking to daniel recently, and he said that he really wasn't a religious person at all. because it's not supposed to be about the doing; it's just knowing God, which is hard.
so my drives to attend all of these different ministries could certainly be ill-founded, unless God is actually calling me to attend all of these various fellowships. and i would advise to get in the business of knowing and trying to go where God goes instead of simply doing. additionally, the ministries here aren't necessarily alive. as daniel said that everyone here is a Christian, but it is out of a spirit of religion and doing, i am beginning to see it and beginning to be angered because it seems like these people might be screwing things up for the rest of us. i walked around the south oval and saw about five people, distinguished by Christians on Campus t-shirts, passing out tracts. it seems that Christians here don't know how to love on people without telling them about God. they don't know how to engage in actual conversation, how to just hang out and talk with people. they just throw a tract or a DVD or something at someone; they seem disconnected from reality.
so i'm not going to the Christians on Campus dinner tonight. i'm not sure what i'm going to do. try to get a slice of something real, a glimpse of God. not any of this religion stuff, none of this performance-appearance crap, this doing. if i could just go back to my dorm and know...
well, there's one thing that should be noted. some people get their identities from their jobs or the things that they own or the things that they have accomplished. and it's weird because Christians are supposed to get their identities from God from simply knowing that God loves them and has redeemed them just as He loves and hopes to redeem everyone. so Christians aren't supposed to get their identities or any kind of justification from what it is they do - so getting caught in doing is completely wrong, or, i guess, a spirit of religion. i was talking to daniel recently, and he said that he really wasn't a religious person at all. because it's not supposed to be about the doing; it's just knowing God, which is hard.
so my drives to attend all of these different ministries could certainly be ill-founded, unless God is actually calling me to attend all of these various fellowships. and i would advise to get in the business of knowing and trying to go where God goes instead of simply doing. additionally, the ministries here aren't necessarily alive. as daniel said that everyone here is a Christian, but it is out of a spirit of religion and doing, i am beginning to see it and beginning to be angered because it seems like these people might be screwing things up for the rest of us. i walked around the south oval and saw about five people, distinguished by Christians on Campus t-shirts, passing out tracts. it seems that Christians here don't know how to love on people without telling them about God. they don't know how to engage in actual conversation, how to just hang out and talk with people. they just throw a tract or a DVD or something at someone; they seem disconnected from reality.
so i'm not going to the Christians on Campus dinner tonight. i'm not sure what i'm going to do. try to get a slice of something real, a glimpse of God. not any of this religion stuff, none of this performance-appearance crap, this doing. if i could just go back to my dorm and know...
Sunday, August 19, 2007
see the morning w/OU EDIT
Last day of summer, things are changing. I sit in my dorm room, alongside my roommate from Houston, a vocal performance major. Shaun Groves plays in the background, the right amount of light in the room calming, the temperature of the room comfortably cold. classes start tomorrow, and part of me can't wait, while part of me... doesn't know what to think. time is weird, annoying.
but what has struck me is that...college is a place to grow. a bunch of us, including my roommate, went to OKC today to a church called All Nations for an afternoon service. the worship was great, though brief, and the sermon was about what it means to be in a community, to love others like God loves us. and though the worship set only lasted two songs, i found myself really praying by the end. i found myself really wanting to be up there, doing something like these people i saw, not because i thought it was cool or for some social reason. because i wanted to worship God like that, i wanted to love Him like that, to experience God like that. and i really found that...it was release. it was something that i was missing, something that i needed, something that i want to do and something that would make things easier. just a day without God would be hell.
so...if college is a place to grow, it's the time to plug in. time to plug into different ministries, organizations, fellowships. we listened to the OU President address all of the new Sooners, talking about how this is a place of possibility. that we came unloading not just all of our stuff and our pasts and identities, but our dreams. and if we wanted to make something happen, now would be the easiest time and place to do it. so...plug in.
i know i'm probably not getting many, if any, OU readers, but this is what my week might look like, incredibly subject to change:
Tuesday Night - Christians on Campus - 5:30 dinner at Student Union
Wednesday Night - Reformed University Fellowship (RUF) - 9 pm worship, fellowship, and lesson at South Oval "Passion Pit" [haha...it was totally flooded due to the rain]
Wednesday Night Alt - Pursuit College Ministry (Ministry of Trinity Baptist Church) - basketball. this looks like it might be a good ministry....Baptist, who knows? apparently a lot of small groups, one over the book of James. another is called Witnessing 101, under Ministry/Evangelism, and there's even one covering Ecclesiastes...and that's kind of a weird book. looks like these small groups happen Sunday mornings, so they might be possible before All Nations afternoon service.
Thursday Night - Journey Church - worship for college students [it's apparently Norman's one megachurch]
---OU EDIT---
---my changes in schedule as of now---
Tuesday Nights - Journey Church - something called Lifestream. worship and teaching
Wednesday Night - RUF
Thursday Night - Chi Alpha
Friday Night - All Nations Small Group
---END EDIT---
besides my own changes...wow. Billy and Richard start school tomorrow, Jojo's talking about ideas of an all-nighter, Ruth and myself and everyone here start classes tomorrow, and Andy's off to OSSM. college life - i managed to skip two meals today. and run a little bit. but with classes and homework and...relationships, i'm not sure how time's going to end up. should be fun though, regardless. when i worked at the PGA championships selling ice cream, i used to think it the coolest thing to be overwhelmed with customers. i'm not sure it's like the same thing...but i'm still looking forward to it. i should pray and read a bit, maybe even get some worship in. will keep you updated
but what has struck me is that...college is a place to grow. a bunch of us, including my roommate, went to OKC today to a church called All Nations for an afternoon service. the worship was great, though brief, and the sermon was about what it means to be in a community, to love others like God loves us. and though the worship set only lasted two songs, i found myself really praying by the end. i found myself really wanting to be up there, doing something like these people i saw, not because i thought it was cool or for some social reason. because i wanted to worship God like that, i wanted to love Him like that, to experience God like that. and i really found that...it was release. it was something that i was missing, something that i needed, something that i want to do and something that would make things easier. just a day without God would be hell.
so...if college is a place to grow, it's the time to plug in. time to plug into different ministries, organizations, fellowships. we listened to the OU President address all of the new Sooners, talking about how this is a place of possibility. that we came unloading not just all of our stuff and our pasts and identities, but our dreams. and if we wanted to make something happen, now would be the easiest time and place to do it. so...plug in.
i know i'm probably not getting many, if any, OU readers, but this is what my week might look like, incredibly subject to change:
Tuesday Night - Christians on Campus - 5:30 dinner at Student Union
Wednesday Night - Reformed University Fellowship (RUF) - 9 pm worship, fellowship, and lesson at South Oval "Passion Pit" [haha...it was totally flooded due to the rain]
Wednesday Night Alt - Pursuit College Ministry (Ministry of Trinity Baptist Church) - basketball. this looks like it might be a good ministry....Baptist, who knows? apparently a lot of small groups, one over the book of James. another is called Witnessing 101, under Ministry/Evangelism, and there's even one covering Ecclesiastes...and that's kind of a weird book. looks like these small groups happen Sunday mornings, so they might be possible before All Nations afternoon service.
Thursday Night - Journey Church - worship for college students [it's apparently Norman's one megachurch]
---OU EDIT---
---my changes in schedule as of now---
Tuesday Nights - Journey Church - something called Lifestream. worship and teaching
Wednesday Night - RUF
Thursday Night - Chi Alpha
Friday Night - All Nations Small Group
---END EDIT---
besides my own changes...wow. Billy and Richard start school tomorrow, Jojo's talking about ideas of an all-nighter, Ruth and myself and everyone here start classes tomorrow, and Andy's off to OSSM. college life - i managed to skip two meals today. and run a little bit. but with classes and homework and...relationships, i'm not sure how time's going to end up. should be fun though, regardless. when i worked at the PGA championships selling ice cream, i used to think it the coolest thing to be overwhelmed with customers. i'm not sure it's like the same thing...but i'm still looking forward to it. i should pray and read a bit, maybe even get some worship in. will keep you updated
Thursday, August 16, 2007
the first day in the life
i don't really know what i can put up here without ruining something for someone. i guess, realistically, anything of significance that i do will have consequences for someone, some kind of hurt for someone. so i shouldn't be cautiously trying to figure out how to appease everyone here with what i wrote. this website was supposed to be where i could say what was going on with me, so i'll try to keep it that without feeling obligated to say "the right things" and fit into the mold of a writer that everyone can agree with. at the same time, a lot of the things going on lately are censored and should not find their way onto public property like the Internet, so...yeah.
moved into OU, two very long days. it's funny that i've been waiting for college for at least a year (and preparing for around three or four years) and now that it's finally here, i think i'm adequately prepared, but i'm not really prepared in the more literal sense. didn't bring all of the papers that i should have brought, all of these things about OU that i need, like the specific orientation session i have been assigned to attend. and i don't really know how much i can eat...my meal plan. but these things are okay.
not exactly sure. i guess as i get settled in, posts will get to be more frequent since i'll be thinking again, but as of now, i guess i'm really just hanging out and waiting.
moved into OU, two very long days. it's funny that i've been waiting for college for at least a year (and preparing for around three or four years) and now that it's finally here, i think i'm adequately prepared, but i'm not really prepared in the more literal sense. didn't bring all of the papers that i should have brought, all of these things about OU that i need, like the specific orientation session i have been assigned to attend. and i don't really know how much i can eat...my meal plan. but these things are okay.
not exactly sure. i guess as i get settled in, posts will get to be more frequent since i'll be thinking again, but as of now, i guess i'm really just hanging out and waiting.
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