i want to be different

i guess the thing about Christians is that we're not exempt from the things that everyone else goes through. for the most part, we find ourselves in the same circumstances, temptations, issues, and frustrations as just about everyone, and that's just the result of being in the human race. but if Christians don't live any differently or handle the same situations as those who aren't Christian, then the real question is whether the Christian faith really makes a difference. because if there is no distinction, then faith seems futile.

while that entire first paragraph was all that i intended to write, i guess i'll elaborate a little, so this entry can be more than a couple sentences. i find it a little odd to think that i'm actually the leader of a campus ministry. i'm a leader in my church youth group and i play guitar in our worship band. i've been on several mission trips, even serving as a small group leader. i served as a leader for a high school Christian club, organizing events and leading Bible studies, even speaking at chapel to our entire high school my senior year. i have shown up in random newsletters across the nation and i think i even got a shoutout at a conference in Philadelphia. there are a couple of really cool people who might even look up to me spiritually.

i say what i have not to brag, but to say i think it's ridiculous that i can even be someone associated with the Christian faith, and yet not respond differently to the same stress, pressure, and temptation that everyone else goes through. and that, when no one else is looking, i am all too often a slave to the things of this world and essentially deny God for something else. sexual impurity, hatred, judgment, apathy, complacency. and just because i can put some words together doesn't mean anything, or because i can play a guitar at the front of a church or have been privileged to be in the positions that i've been in. i guess what i'm trying to say is that what really matters is what i do, and what i do when no one is watching, when it's only God and me.

and it's incredible that i can be two different people - someone who has surrendered to God and then someone who is selfish and hardened towards God.

we are supposed to be different. the Bible makes this unmistakable - that we are supposed to be divorced to this world, using unforgiving terms like crucified and dead. we really are supposed to be different. John says that others shouldn't even understand what we are saying or why we do what we do - like we're speaking a different language and they can't hear us.

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can you feel it? it's the shake of a generation that refuses to live according to the patterns of this world, that aren't conformed to what we've been raised to believe and live for. all that was once important is like rubbish if God isn't present. a prestigious degree, career, or salary, a beautiful and fulfilling wife, anything material that one could ask for - this generation would trade it all away for a day in the presence of God. it just takes a day to realize that there's more than meets the eye - just a day or even a single moment for the cry of one's heart and soul to be amplified, to reach the depths of heaven, to receive the touch of God and echo for the rest of a lifetime. just a moment, a glimpse of reality (and not reality like we believe it is), to shatter everything, to see everything else as foolishness and futility compared to running in the courts of God like a little kid with reckless abandon, a ball of energy and joy, amazed at the presence and the majesty and glory of the King, the Father we thought we never had.

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speaking of which, it's Father's Day weekend. i read in the paper that Obama grew up without his dad - his dad left when he was 2, and then he saw him once more in his life when he was 10. i guess i just think that's shocking.

for an update on me, i'm still job hunting (and it kinda stinks because there's only 2 months left in the summer! i can't believe it, and yet it will still seem like so long). i've been messing around with programming (Flash/actionScript), been working with some Bible studies with some exciting results. went on a float trip today and got a bit sunburned, but i think what bugged me more was just being exhausted. 9 mile ride? i didn't think it would be so bad. throw on top an online class (hopefully) at the beginning of july, and i can't wait for the next semester to start. i don't know if i'm going to try to grab a better paying job than tutoring, or maybe i can just up my hours.

anyways, that's it for me. couple of late nights this past week, but nothing too brutal. hope you guys are doing well. leave comments or something!