real worship

something was different about this weekend and i was astounded to find that i wasn't the only person who felt that way as well. it was late yesterday night, a Saturday, about ten o'clock. i was heading back from the Crossing, a student-led event for the students in our high school that featured a brief talk about what it is to worship and then they played some songs. and you know what? i felt it.

i felt that worship should be real, like it is an opportunity to directly commit to God. and that, though this should have been so obvious, it was just a way to have God become real to you. the guys playing worship (really good, really really good) were playing songs and it just got me going, it was just like "this is what i need." i don't know. it's just that there was something there, in the praise and the worship.

i ended up billy's, late at night. 10 or so, and we went up to his room, not talking that much, and i asked if he was supposed to do anything that night. he said no. and so we played worship. or more accurately, we worshipped...and it felt more real than most of what had happened that week. it was like God had come down and sat down with us, that He was giving us grace to even screw up and then loving us even when we were pushing Him away, never losing hope, never losing focus when we lived in complete defiance of His word. and it was like, i really can't go back. i can't go back to everyday, worldly life. that would be my death, and i don't want to go back to that.

as time went on, i learned that i had said the very same thing so many times. what would be different about this time? i have no idea. i realize that God has to be in our worship. God has to be in our faith, God has to be everything about us, or else we will be falling away from Him. and it is God who gives our sacrifice worth, who justifies our identity. who has changed us into new people, new creations, even.

i realize that we have to be choosing, choosing in everything we do, in even the smallest of choices, to be moving closer to Him. every day, every opportunity, we need to be surrendering at even the smallest levels of life. and that in whatever i do, i want to be saying "here I am Lord, what would you have me do?" i want to be saying "you're my God," in everything i do, walking through the halls and talking to people and in all the small things like eating dinner and driving and sleeping and praying, i want nothing more than to see God, than for Him to have all of me.

there's this song, rather, this remarkable song that i have been singing for, give or take, 9 hours. it is called All We Want is You, and it pretty much talks about how all we want is God, and how we are living in this dry and weary land, but still, all we want is God. how we wasted so much of our lives looking for things that could satisfy, things that could bring us peace, but we never knew that it is God who is the only one who will satisfy, the only one who will save us from ourselves. the only one who can be our Savior, because of His character, because of the example He has set for us in His holiness and His love and His pursuit.

so i went home after that, realizing that God would have to fill my promises, my sacrifices, my faith with worth, or else they would be empty words and even empty praise. and i don't know, it's just something about the weekend. our youth group was leading worship the next morning at church, and i overslept, but that morning, i called my youth pastor mike asking him if we could play that song "all we want is You." he said it was creepy because that was already on the songlist for that day. what was even weirder is that, when i got to church late for practice, i learned that we only had three or four songs, but mike expected it to be a lot more than that, because there was something about worship that weekend...i don't know what it was. but i wasn't the only one feeling that there was something going on that somewhat demanded true worship.

the night before on saturday, i had felt something, like that we should just go to church and do real worship. we should play the songs and really just seek after God. and that is what we did...people came to worship the Lord. it was great, i could see it. i could see God moving around. it was beautiful. you could hear the voices, you could see hearts changing, you could see the Spirit penetrating, God getting what He wanted. it might just be me, but i really wait for the moment that people become vulnerable. not so that i can make them feel bad or make myself feel better, but because they have open hearts and their eyes can find a Savior.

we played. for most of the entire service, i don't even know how long. like an hour and a half maybe? i don't know. it was great...God was there. i do not doubt this. God was there this morning, sending waves of the Spirit, saving people from themselves, saving me from myself. i don't want to go back, i can't. God didn't die so i would frolic around with messed up values and a life that doesn't resonate with His glory. He died so i could come alive, that i could know His glory, because that's the only way He can get glory out of a human being. so that He could lift me up beyond my failures and flaws, not so that i could live in tolerance with my imperfection, and even relish in my pride.

i don't know. i realize that, i really hope, this is part of His plan, because all of this is happening a week before Acquire the Fire weekend, a huge event that God has met a lot of people. a lot of good speakers (Ron Luce) and some worship bands, and it has been my experience in the past that God becomes real, and commitments are made, and there really is a fire that you acquire (the Holy Spirit). so i would love to see our youth group lit on fire at this event, drunk in His glory and name, but it's not because of the event, i must remember. it's because God...