vindicated

was in a bad mood. lazy, dysfunctional, just feeling bad. score one for God, i am feeling much better, despite it being 1:10 in the morning. my youth pastor once talked about how his best friend had grace to not need to sleep... actually, about three times last year, i had a paper due for a scholarship or in English or US History and, tired and exhausted, i would fall to sleep before i had a chance to start it or gathered enough initiative to start it (one or the other..) and God woke me up at least three times at around 2 or 3 in the morning and i had a lot of energy...and wrote my papers. one time he did it with a nosebleed. got my homework finished though - i'm pretty sure it was God.

talked on the phone to one of my sister's friends who went with Urbana with her and will also probably go on a missions trip with Daniel and myself to Chicago this spring break. apparently we will be witnessing to Muslims, so we might research together. well, she got me into a prayerful attitude, and you know how good things happen when two or more people meet in the name of Jesus? well, it brought me out of the pits. i guess that has been a recurring theme - i've been in the pits over really small things that shouldn't get me down. because i can't finish one problem on my math homework or am only mediocre in my programming performance at Botball, when i'm not really that behind at all.

when you get to talk to someone about God, He becomes a lot more real to you. to hear how someone has progressed, or how someone is struggling, or how someone is in some way turning to God or doesn't know where to turn, it helps you see how much God has done for yourself. it is great that we worship the same God, the millions and billions of us, yet we can still have an intimate relationship with one who would leave all of us for another. that might sound foolish to some, but perhaps the ultimate sacrifice and display of love ever. in fact, His character could be said to be the definition of love.

been listening a lot to this song by Dashboard Confessionals called Vindicated that is pretty much a giant catharsis about being vindicated and being wrong, yet being right, and being flawed, but becoming better. i guess it's a lot of ambivalence. a lot of being both right and wrong and struggling through life. i don't think it will ever be officially classified as a Christian song, but this seems like one of those rare songs that comes from a person's heart and mind when he has been hurt and is looking something to redeem him, and hasn't been smoking pot or doing drugs.

i thought i wanted a girlfriend. or friends that were girls. i think God will take care of me, and i don't need a girlfriend, because that's where peace was. and if this is waiting - peace - well then, i should still be content even if it's waiting. school today, in about five and a half hours if i go play basketball, a lot of paperwork to deal with and a lot of sleep to catch up on, not to mention some homework. God bless your day, as He has mine. He is faithful, and good. All the time.