a delicate fight

hey guys. back home in tulsa for a little bit this winter break. feeling a little moody tonight, so i guess i'm gonna write it out and then get some sleep before church tomorrow morning.

things really have been good lately. i feel like God is really walking with me, showing me how unbelievably and incomparably blessed i am. i really think that i'm the luckiest, most blessed guy here - the amount that i've been given and still have yet to understand or realize is simply unreal. spiritually, i've been doing a bit better than i felt like i was doing throughout the semester. i've spent considerably more time in the Word and trying to take it as seriously as i can. i've been trying to turn away from idols and past sins and to lift up problems and struggles in prayer, to seek first God and His righteousness.

i realize how small, how frail and broken i am. let me not think highly of myself. i realize that i myself can't please people, that i can't satisfy or complete Suzi like i wish i could. i'm simply stained with imperfection and selfish motive - often acting out foolishly and immaturely without knowing it. i realize how small my tolerance is for my family, how hard my heart can be towards injustice, how self-centered i can be through my actions, and how i socially shut down when i don't realize the treasures in front of me.

i pray that i would be made like a man, a man after God's own heart. i pray that i would step up and do the dirty work and take responsibility and be a leader. i pray that i would be more invested in suzi's spiritual walk and being a good steward, for each person will stand before God alone to give their own account.

i know that i've prayed and seen results, received favor and undeserved blessings. let me continue to pray and plead, knowing that You are right here, in this silence. You are above everything that i see - and You have never disappointed, never failed me, never messed up even slightly. You alone are good, wholly, purely, good.

i think i'm just tired tonight. i need to maybe just get some rest.

update though:
been working on moving from fallingcloser.blogspot.com to dchang.limewebs.com, using Wordpress and writing a custom theme. it's been a good project that i've worked on pretty intensely over the past 3 days. definitely have learned a lot - have worked with Google analytics, the Facebook and Twitter 'like' and 'retweet' buttons, the different ins and outs of Wordpress, the Twitter API, and random PHP tidbits. have also picked up how sprites are used and am blown away as i look through the Firebug rendering of Facebook's code - plenty of things i've never seen before

other than that, hitting up 3 different conferences this break (2 with Campus Crusade in Dallas, the other being the oneThing conference put on by IHOP) and getting my wisdom teeth pulled. on top of that, just going to be working and getting ready for the new semester. hoping to pull through my classes and graduate in May, keep strong momentum at work, and hopefully start a guy's Bible study at my apartment on a weekly basis.

hope you're doing well. i may not know what you're dealing with specifically, but i'm sure you're not alone, and that God is looking at the bigger picture, knowing He's still in control, not freaking out at deadlines or anything