hey guys. back home in tulsa for a little bit this winter break. feeling a little moody tonight, so i guess i'm gonna write it out and then get some sleep before church tomorrow morning.
things really have been good lately. i feel like God is really walking with me, showing me how unbelievably and incomparably blessed i am. i really think that i'm the luckiest, most blessed guy here - the amount that i've been given and still have yet to understand or realize is simply unreal. spiritually, i've been doing a bit better than i felt like i was doing throughout the semester. i've spent considerably more time in the Word and trying to take it as seriously as i can. i've been trying to turn away from idols and past sins and to lift up problems and struggles in prayer, to seek first God and His righteousness.
i realize how small, how frail and broken i am. let me not think highly of myself. i realize that i myself can't please people, that i can't satisfy or complete Suzi like i wish i could. i'm simply stained with imperfection and selfish motive - often acting out foolishly and immaturely without knowing it. i realize how small my tolerance is for my family, how hard my heart can be towards injustice, how self-centered i can be through my actions, and how i socially shut down when i don't realize the treasures in front of me.
i pray that i would be made like a man, a man after God's own heart. i pray that i would step up and do the dirty work and take responsibility and be a leader. i pray that i would be more invested in suzi's spiritual walk and being a good steward, for each person will stand before God alone to give their own account.
i know that i've prayed and seen results, received favor and undeserved blessings. let me continue to pray and plead, knowing that You are right here, in this silence. You are above everything that i see - and You have never disappointed, never failed me, never messed up even slightly. You alone are good, wholly, purely, good.
i think i'm just tired tonight. i need to maybe just get some rest.
update though:
been working on moving from fallingcloser.blogspot.com to dchang.limewebs.com, using Wordpress and writing a custom theme. it's been a good project that i've worked on pretty intensely over the past 3 days. definitely have learned a lot - have worked with Google analytics, the Facebook and Twitter 'like' and 'retweet' buttons, the different ins and outs of Wordpress, the Twitter API, and random PHP tidbits. have also picked up how sprites are used and am blown away as i look through the Firebug rendering of Facebook's code - plenty of things i've never seen before
other than that, hitting up 3 different conferences this break (2 with Campus Crusade in Dallas, the other being the oneThing conference put on by IHOP) and getting my wisdom teeth pulled. on top of that, just going to be working and getting ready for the new semester. hoping to pull through my classes and graduate in May, keep strong momentum at work, and hopefully start a guy's Bible study at my apartment on a weekly basis.
hope you're doing well. i may not know what you're dealing with specifically, but i'm sure you're not alone, and that God is looking at the bigger picture, knowing He's still in control, not freaking out at deadlines or anything
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 09, 2010
teachers
suzi and i have passed some bit of time watching a new show called Community on Hulu. the show itself isn't that important, though it does go highly recommended by me. in the last episode we watched, one of the cast members, named Troy, is about to turn 21, so the cast of protagonists go to a club to celebrate, each of them getting either intoxicated or consumed with facades they've been trying to maintain. the episode essentially ends with Troy taking everyone home and realizing that, while he had looked up to some of the other, older cast members for the past two years, they really weren't any more mature than he was.
so while Troy had held the two other characters as teachers, he eventually realized that they weren't worthy of being looked up to as teachers at all.
i recently got a book from John Piper from amazon called Sex and the Supremacy of God. from reading in Proverbs 7, the Bible seemed to say that if we had understanding, then we wouldn't fall subject to sin so much, particularly in the area of sexual morality. i was introduced to sex from the Internet, which isn't the best place to learn about most things. so i got this book to hopefully raise my understanding of the divine implications of sex and why we are supposed to hold it so sacred or special.
Piper would go on to assert in the first chapter that sex reveals to us a slice of the greater character, promises, and intimacy that God has for us. one of the primary reasons that we are wired so sexually is because it is to point us towards an even greater longing and an even greater satisfaction that we are to experience in Christ. so it isn't simply knowing who God is on a mental level, but it is nearly a "sexual" intimacy - not sexual in a physical way, but in a way of understanding and commitment and pleasure.
with this idea of sexuality laid out, and my past and current struggles with pornography, i began to realize in class that people involved in pornography - like porn stars - don't really know the first thing about sex. they don't really know anything about sex at all. and yet i've realized that they've secretly been forming my ideas of how sex should work and what is pleasurable and what i should desire. and since i was looking up to these porn stars to teach me about sex, i was being fed lies regarding what sex is really about and why it's so enjoyable in the first place. at the same time, i think this was part of the reason i kept returning to pornography - i thought that these actors or actresses knew what they were doing and could teach me something or satisfy me somehow (as weird as that sounds).
whereas, if sex is really this sacred thing that has very much to do with the character of God and His love for us, and less to do with church culture and obedience to the law, then the people in pornography don't know anything about sex, and i need to be following someone else's example, and turning to someone else to tell me what to do with my sexuality and the very real desires i have.
and if this makes sense, then it may make sense to expand this to other things. if people in porn don't know the first thing about sex, then celebrities might not know anything about happiness and joy. college teachers might not know wisdom at all. people we secretly look up to might not be worth looking up to after all.
so while Troy had held the two other characters as teachers, he eventually realized that they weren't worthy of being looked up to as teachers at all.
i recently got a book from John Piper from amazon called Sex and the Supremacy of God. from reading in Proverbs 7, the Bible seemed to say that if we had understanding, then we wouldn't fall subject to sin so much, particularly in the area of sexual morality. i was introduced to sex from the Internet, which isn't the best place to learn about most things. so i got this book to hopefully raise my understanding of the divine implications of sex and why we are supposed to hold it so sacred or special.
Piper would go on to assert in the first chapter that sex reveals to us a slice of the greater character, promises, and intimacy that God has for us. one of the primary reasons that we are wired so sexually is because it is to point us towards an even greater longing and an even greater satisfaction that we are to experience in Christ. so it isn't simply knowing who God is on a mental level, but it is nearly a "sexual" intimacy - not sexual in a physical way, but in a way of understanding and commitment and pleasure.
with this idea of sexuality laid out, and my past and current struggles with pornography, i began to realize in class that people involved in pornography - like porn stars - don't really know the first thing about sex. they don't really know anything about sex at all. and yet i've realized that they've secretly been forming my ideas of how sex should work and what is pleasurable and what i should desire. and since i was looking up to these porn stars to teach me about sex, i was being fed lies regarding what sex is really about and why it's so enjoyable in the first place. at the same time, i think this was part of the reason i kept returning to pornography - i thought that these actors or actresses knew what they were doing and could teach me something or satisfy me somehow (as weird as that sounds).
whereas, if sex is really this sacred thing that has very much to do with the character of God and His love for us, and less to do with church culture and obedience to the law, then the people in pornography don't know anything about sex, and i need to be following someone else's example, and turning to someone else to tell me what to do with my sexuality and the very real desires i have.
and if this makes sense, then it may make sense to expand this to other things. if people in porn don't know the first thing about sex, then celebrities might not know anything about happiness and joy. college teachers might not know wisdom at all. people we secretly look up to might not be worth looking up to after all.
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