just so you know how i've been doin

this is pretty much an update post, so you know how i've been doing lately. things here in Norman have been a bit interesting.. i'm staying here for the summer to work full time, programming, for a company called K-20, which does educational video games for a bunch of schools throughout Oklahoma. when i first started, i was pretty pumped, because i had my own desk with two monitors and people would leave food out for anyone to eat. after a month and a half or so, the glamor has begun to fade - partly because no one seems to leave out free food - but maybe just because i feel unstable or inconfident about my own programming skills. i also typically hit a productivity wall after programming for about 3 hours, so i'm not sure how i'm going to be able to do 8 hour days this summer. late last night, i wondered whether i was truly happy programming - but if not programming, then what else would i do? i thought about just going to seminary.

but not everything in life is always glamor - a lot of it is hard work and discipline and something you do out of love. because you might not enjoy it, but it's undeniably worth it at the end of the day.

i won't be an RA next year - i recently signed a lease at an apartment complex close to campus, and i'll be living with a couple of guys from CRU - and admittedly pretty excited to be living in close Christian-guy proximity. i think it'll be really good for me. community will change you.

i've also had some breakthroughs in terms of Christian community - in that i've gotten a little closer to the guys in my small group, CRU itself, and even my local church. one Sunday morning, i was almost convinced that i wouldn't wake up in time for church - but for some reason, i woke up when my alarm went off, got changed and found a ride - and i did all of that in an unconscious daze before later waking up at church. turns out i actually wanted to go to church!

really trying to run more - i'm not sure exactly why. i seriously need a new pair of shoes, but i guess i'm just a bit lazy and stingy when it comes to spending real money on myself. there was a benefit run on May 1st for Haiti put on by my local church, but i won't be in town that weekend. things here are a bit crazy - i have the pleasure of having nearly all of my classes Wednesday/Thursday canceled because it's the 100th year anniversary of the college of engineering here at OU. and the even bigger pleasure of playing music at a 20-year reunion reception Thursday night with my friend Josiah (violinist) for real money. anyways, i hit 55 minutes today - and am planning on doing about 13 miles to Warren Theater in Moore before the year ends (which is somewhat of a big deal for me, but shouldn't be that out of my reach)

i guess i'm trying to run more because i want to make sure my life is more than just trying to survive. i want it to be more than just finish school, get a job, and let my job be my life. i don't know how involved in ministry i can be once i'm out of college - i guess i'd have to get really close to my local church, which i don't really feel right now (i'm admittedly picky for an Asian-American church, and i haven't really found one where i fit in here in Norman).

in terms of grades, i'm not sure how i'm doing. in some classes, i think i'm doing all right - and in other classes, there are so few grades that if i don't do well on the final, i might not even pass the class. some classes are annoying, and just recently - last week - i really began to feel like "i really don't want to be here." but my classes aren't bad... i'm taking cryptography, which is a whole bunch of number theory, and public speaking has actually been pretty entertaining.

in terms of ministry, i'm not really sure what to say. i meet up with a couple of guys every now and then, throughout the week, but nothing really seriously obviously ministry or evangelism. i'm really not sure what to say. being here in the Bible belt, i kind of feel like if i was going to start a ministry, i would have to do certain things, or else the ministry won't be sustained. like i need to have a bunch of social events and give away free stuff and find really creative ways to gain exposure... i don't know - and i don't think i'm good at any of that stuff. not exactly good at being social. but then, i'm not so sure how well i'm really walking with God.

um, anyways - that's pretty much how i'm doing. i'll be in norman for the summer, maybe take a couple of trips - to Arizona for a wedding and maybe to Dallas/Fort Worth for a Christian conference at the beginning of June. but that's pretty much it. i pray God really changes me for the better, that He has more in mind for me than i realize.