When God goes far beyond our imaginations and expectations of how He will move, those involved wake up one morning or reflect one night wondering, "Is this really my life? I can't believe it. This is greater than anything I could have dreamed..."
The way I got to the Epic Bay Area project was like one of those things you could see coming, even if it was a long shot. My friend Cheez-it had mentioned a mission trip to China this summer and we had been talking about it for 2 or 3 months. If one had asked what I was doing this summer at the time, I would have said I was going to China.
Though I had been planning on China, they needed a decision and money on short notice. I found myself in the library praying that God would give me an answer on whether or not to go. I flipped to a Psalm and felt as if God was saying, "I don't need You to go to China to bring me glory. I have other people who can do that." And then I seemed to hear, "I have greater plans for you."
So I turned it down. A bit of time passed, and frantically, I started considering an internship in Norman to spend my summer. After meeting and speaking with the guy from the company, it looked like they would offer the job to me - but I didn't really want to do it. The pay was pretty nice, and it would have given me experience, but it didn't excite me. I needed to get back to the guy by Monday, and when Sunday night rolled around, I was pretty unsure what I would do. I began to think maybe this was what God was calling me to spend my summer on, the greater plans He had promised, whether I wanted to do them or not.
That Monday, I randomly met for the first time with the OU CRU director, Shawn McGrath. He had contacted me via Facebook about grabbing lunch sometime - said that my name had come up earlier when he had talked with Tony Lee, the Asian American Student Life director.
So I met with Shawn and shared my testimony and what was going on, and we began to talk about establishing an Asian ministry on campus, and we talked about it like it could actually happen. Shawn brought up that, if I wanted training about starting an Epic movement, I might want to check out something called Summer Project that was in the Bay Area in California, around San Francisco. That was the first time I had heard the words summer project.
After that meeting, I could hardly contain my excitement - just talking about Asian ministries seemed to spark something inside of me, had made me come alive. I looked it up online and didn't know if there were any slots open or if the application process was still open, but I couldn't see how this wasn't God's greater plans, so that day, I started telling some of my close friends and my family that I would be going to San Francisco for the summer. I turned down the internship though I had no idea whether I would even be accepted to the project.
I worked on the application for about a week and sent it in - I was serious that there was only one thing I wanted to do this summer and that was to go to this Bay Area Project. Midway through finals week, I got the call - I was going! I headed off to a math review after the call and was overwhelmed with joy; some girls asked me what I was smiling about, and I hadn't realized I was smiling so much...then I told them I was going to San Francisco for the summer.
Before going on project, I remember being afraid that I wouldn’t fit in; when I arrived, I found that I was being welcomed with open arms, and, before long, we had become something bigger than ourselves. Our community was strong and encouraging, our vulnerabilities exposed, and our passion for Christ couldn’t go anywhere but up. Looking back, I couldn't have asked for anything greater this summer, and I cannot help but reflect and know that we took part in something great - that God did something for, with, and through us. All the relationships we formed, the words and lessons that were spoken, the failures we committed fearlessly - we had a freedom to fail, and by the last week when the staff had left, we were taking advantage of it. We were doing dangerous things for His name, and even our mistakes and failures were successes because we were drawing closer to God regardless of the results.
I saw boldness and courage being lived out. I saw actual examples of Christ followers, what it means to be meek, what it means to be real with yourself to everyone, and I've felt love from people, love like I've never felt before. Everyone taught me something and, in the process, let me see more of myself, to realize that I am everything but alone. I played Ultimate Frisbee with people who cared like no one else had cared around me before, and I ate Yogurtland with people who were and are stepping up to pursue God on their campuses, the real leaders of an Epic movement. I joked around and confided in people who will change the world, and I literally felt God's blessings through them. I felt the freedom of knowing my mistakes would not disqualify me, that I belonged and could even serve and lead in the body of Christ.
These past four weeks were seriously such an overflow of grace and energy. Day in and day out, God stirred in our hearts and got us to be vulnerable, to feel His touch on our hearts and His faithfulness in our despair. We talked about conflict resolution and authentic manhood and the needs cycle and God's truth was there and I began to change. My eyes were opened to a lot...why I act the way I do, why I struggle with the things that I do. And though the world around me might not change, I am beginning to realize my goal in life is not results, but to grow closer to God, to have a heart that cries out that His name is blessed and worthy unconditionally. By grace, I run and see that I am surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and friends running alongside me, friends that love with a heart similar to God's.
I had role models, leading by example and speaking truth into my life. When at first I had been afraid of not fitting in, I found I was actually being welcomed with open arms, with the comfort that God has provided (2 Cor. 1:3-5). It was a place of acceptance, a place of love.
And with love, anything is possible. We did dangerous things for God, attempted the impossible, and our hearts kept going regardless on the results. In fact, the results could only matter so much, but it was God's love raining down on us that was the glue of our lives and community, the only thing that mattered at the end of the day.
So in response to the last month, can I do anything but praise God? Can I deny Him myself? I know what the answer is, but I also know how hard it is to rely and depend on someone else for everything. Please be sober-minded, please be humbled. I never want to stop saying, "I want to do something dangerous for Christ. I want to press on beyond my comfort zone. I want God to have more and more of me and I want to be closer to Him than ever before."
---
things with my dad have been all right. i haven't really sat down and talked with him at depth, but i've made more of an effort to speak to him and show him respect and love, and i think he is beginning to see that, but it still seems difficult. certainly bigger than myself. it's just that i don't think our home is really geared towards allowing him to step up and provide, or do anything more than just sit around all day. other than that, post mission syndrome hasn't been that intense, but a bit frustrating just being here. hope everyone's doing right, seem to be mostly waiting for college again, but...yep. God bless.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
secret epic post
hey guys, how have you been doing?
in plans and dreams for an Epic at the University of Oklahoma, one of my friends and i had gotten together a core group of people - 3 guys and 3 girls - and we had had our first meeting a bunch of weeks ago, casting a vision and talking about what it could look like to have an Asian American ministry on campus.
i sent a facebook message shortly after that meeting praising God and mainly being excited for the things that were beginning to develop. a week or two passed, and, like any good story, a plot twist waited. two of the girls said they wouldn't be able to be part of the core group due to other commitments, and one of the guys and the other girl were quite busy as well. it seemed like it might be back to the original two people - my friend peter and me.
i felt a little ashamed to tell people.
through it all, i think i've felt a lot of prayers answered and have been blessed by a bunch of people praying for us and the possibility of Epic at OU.
after it seemed like we had lost all of our people, Peter and i started doing quiet times together, as a sort of accountability thing. i was a bit hesitant to ask him at first, but we started, and we kept going, and it was better than i expected. i didn't know how he would react, but he really started getting into the Word...for the first two weeks, we met up for about an hour each weekday to read and discuss, and things were starting to stir up. already in peter, i've seen God really reveal Himself and really transform the way he lives.
after a while, we were still meeting pretty frequently, and we decided we might as well start inviting people. one Sunday night, i sent out invites to about 6 or 7 people to join us for quiet times on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3 pm. and God provided the people again. in fact, most of the people i invited haven't shown up or even responded to my message. but the people that have shown up really seem to have been brought there by God. even someone i hadn't invited showed up.
our first Bible study/quiet time thing was exactly a week ago - we had 7 people! we met two days later and...people actually came back! and then today, people came back again! and honestly, that's seriously God at work. God is glorified, and it's certainly not me or Peter at work. we don't know what we're doing. and all of a sudden, we have found ourselves leading/mediating a Bible study with people who not only want to be there, but are actually committed.
here are two of the breakthroughs we've witnessed after 3 studies:
a freshman named Andrew is Roman Catholic. on the first day, he was asking questions like "do you expect God to respond when you pray?" today, we watched a movie, and he asked something to the extent of "what does it mean to live a God-centered life?"
a senior named Brandon is sorta agnostic. i don't really know him, but he went to high school with Peter. he's mostly quiet through the meetings, but i think God really must be working in him. Peter asked him today where he was on his spiritual journey, and he said that he feels something on his heart, and he has kinda come to belief in God - the only problem is that he doesn't know anything about this God. [i'm not sure if it's the Judeo-Christian God, but i think he's gonna keep coming back, and so we'll talk more about God.]
so...yeah. glory to God... if you could pray for Brandon and Andrew and that all of our eyes would be on Christ, period. the other guys in the study, if you could pray for them as well, are named Lung, Phong, and Peter (we have two Peter's). there are also two guys who haven't been to Bible study yet, named Victor and Dung, who grew up with somewhat Buddhist backgrounds, who have become persons of peace for me.
thanks for reading. here's a verse that has sorta been on my heart lately:
"For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord"
-2 Corinthians 4:5a
and let it really be known that i have nothing to do with this :) but let God be the One at work, and i am the one privileged.
if you want to comment your own prayer requests or praises, that'd be great (you don't need an account or anything).
ps. i really do miss you guys and remember you fondly.
in plans and dreams for an Epic at the University of Oklahoma, one of my friends and i had gotten together a core group of people - 3 guys and 3 girls - and we had had our first meeting a bunch of weeks ago, casting a vision and talking about what it could look like to have an Asian American ministry on campus.
i sent a facebook message shortly after that meeting praising God and mainly being excited for the things that were beginning to develop. a week or two passed, and, like any good story, a plot twist waited. two of the girls said they wouldn't be able to be part of the core group due to other commitments, and one of the guys and the other girl were quite busy as well. it seemed like it might be back to the original two people - my friend peter and me.
i felt a little ashamed to tell people.
through it all, i think i've felt a lot of prayers answered and have been blessed by a bunch of people praying for us and the possibility of Epic at OU.
after it seemed like we had lost all of our people, Peter and i started doing quiet times together, as a sort of accountability thing. i was a bit hesitant to ask him at first, but we started, and we kept going, and it was better than i expected. i didn't know how he would react, but he really started getting into the Word...for the first two weeks, we met up for about an hour each weekday to read and discuss, and things were starting to stir up. already in peter, i've seen God really reveal Himself and really transform the way he lives.
after a while, we were still meeting pretty frequently, and we decided we might as well start inviting people. one Sunday night, i sent out invites to about 6 or 7 people to join us for quiet times on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3 pm. and God provided the people again. in fact, most of the people i invited haven't shown up or even responded to my message. but the people that have shown up really seem to have been brought there by God. even someone i hadn't invited showed up.
our first Bible study/quiet time thing was exactly a week ago - we had 7 people! we met two days later and...people actually came back! and then today, people came back again! and honestly, that's seriously God at work. God is glorified, and it's certainly not me or Peter at work. we don't know what we're doing. and all of a sudden, we have found ourselves leading/mediating a Bible study with people who not only want to be there, but are actually committed.
here are two of the breakthroughs we've witnessed after 3 studies:
a freshman named Andrew is Roman Catholic. on the first day, he was asking questions like "do you expect God to respond when you pray?" today, we watched a movie, and he asked something to the extent of "what does it mean to live a God-centered life?"
a senior named Brandon is sorta agnostic. i don't really know him, but he went to high school with Peter. he's mostly quiet through the meetings, but i think God really must be working in him. Peter asked him today where he was on his spiritual journey, and he said that he feels something on his heart, and he has kinda come to belief in God - the only problem is that he doesn't know anything about this God. [i'm not sure if it's the Judeo-Christian God, but i think he's gonna keep coming back, and so we'll talk more about God.]
so...yeah. glory to God... if you could pray for Brandon and Andrew and that all of our eyes would be on Christ, period. the other guys in the study, if you could pray for them as well, are named Lung, Phong, and Peter (we have two Peter's). there are also two guys who haven't been to Bible study yet, named Victor and Dung, who grew up with somewhat Buddhist backgrounds, who have become persons of peace for me.
thanks for reading. here's a verse that has sorta been on my heart lately:
"For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord"
-2 Corinthians 4:5a
and let it really be known that i have nothing to do with this :) but let God be the One at work, and i am the one privileged.
if you want to comment your own prayer requests or praises, that'd be great (you don't need an account or anything).
ps. i really do miss you guys and remember you fondly.
all eyes on God (secret epic post 2)
yesterday, we had our very first OU Epic event, an Epic Christmas Party (pun intended). we threw it together at the last minute, invited a lot of people, and saw surprising results. i want to write and sound like i know what was going on and what was happening, but really, i can't. i want to say we had it planned down to a T since the very beginning and we knew exactly what we were doing, but i'm not sure anyone had the slightest idea.
peter (cofounder) and i stepped into a group of freshmen Asians. we started hanging out a lot, which was, in itself, an answer to one of my prayers - just to feel like i belonged in a group and to have that kind of community. maybe half are Christian and half aren't. but we became friends, and the result was that we could have a party and they would come, because we are all friends.
one of the girls in the group is pretty phenomenal at guitar and singing and seems to have her heart in the right place, so she ended up playing worship for us. and then i was going to speak. it was only supposed to be like a two hour event, at peter's apartment, so we got together and ate and played games for like the first hour. when i showed up, there were more people than i expected. the projection was 10-15 people, but we were actually pushing 20, some people who i didn't know at all. i was admittedly getting nervous, and things seemed a bit unorganized.
but we went and prayed and God seemed to give me words for prayer, and then we played a game and did worship, and i guess i began to feel more confident that it was God and not me. and i felt like i had words. i just told my testimony and why i believed in God and that i didn't want to be cocky or arrogant. i guess my main point was that i believe in God because i'm not good enough, and God knows it, but He doesn't see me that way. He loves me and treats me like i am, but both He and i know that i don't deserve it. i talked with more liberty than i usually do, and i was able to speak that way to a group that i don't think was primarily Christian.
at the end, i guess i felt kind of good. i had some people say that they wanted to grab lunch sometime and others asking if we could keep them posted about Epic events.
regardless if i can feel good about all of it, all eyes still on God. must remain sober...
anyways, that's what's been going on. we've picked up a couple more people and some more interest, and we're wading through the paperwork to be a university-recognized organization. we'll be trying to get people to the central Epic conference in Dallas in February, and starting up maybe another small group next semester, with events every now and then. but yeah, praise God. i cannot wait to see some of you guys in a little more than a month in San Francisco and to see your love and passion again and hear your stories.
---
an update about my dad - after project, i wanted to change things with my relationship with my dad. i ended up getting really frustrated and wanting to give up, so college was a nice getaway. a while after i left, my dad seemed to be getting better, going to church every now and then. it was funny to me because it wasn't me, but God working. then things hit some lows. my dad ended up in the hospital for a week, and after a couple of days, in the hospital again for two more weeks. it was mainly because he hadn't been taking his meds and was trying to run away from home, saying that our house wasn't safe. the plan was that he would end up in something like a nursing home, an hour away from home. the second time he was in the hospital, they started giving him new meds. the day he got out, my mom went to go drop him off at the nursing home, but she wouldn't leave him there because of the conditions or something. and then, my dad just started getting better. it wasn't supposed to happen, and i wasn't expecting it to, but God is God.
went home for thanksgiving break and my dad did some things i didn't see coming. he would sit down and have conversation with me, make himself food and eat regular meals, go out with us to lunch, and actually intentionally try to be more social and active in our family. he would go to church and keep taking his meds, and he would go to sleep at like 8 when he usually didn't sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning. he was like a new man.
so, yeah :) that's what's been going on at home.
---
thanks for reading. God is good. all eyes on Him.
peter (cofounder) and i stepped into a group of freshmen Asians. we started hanging out a lot, which was, in itself, an answer to one of my prayers - just to feel like i belonged in a group and to have that kind of community. maybe half are Christian and half aren't. but we became friends, and the result was that we could have a party and they would come, because we are all friends.
one of the girls in the group is pretty phenomenal at guitar and singing and seems to have her heart in the right place, so she ended up playing worship for us. and then i was going to speak. it was only supposed to be like a two hour event, at peter's apartment, so we got together and ate and played games for like the first hour. when i showed up, there were more people than i expected. the projection was 10-15 people, but we were actually pushing 20, some people who i didn't know at all. i was admittedly getting nervous, and things seemed a bit unorganized.
but we went and prayed and God seemed to give me words for prayer, and then we played a game and did worship, and i guess i began to feel more confident that it was God and not me. and i felt like i had words. i just told my testimony and why i believed in God and that i didn't want to be cocky or arrogant. i guess my main point was that i believe in God because i'm not good enough, and God knows it, but He doesn't see me that way. He loves me and treats me like i am, but both He and i know that i don't deserve it. i talked with more liberty than i usually do, and i was able to speak that way to a group that i don't think was primarily Christian.
at the end, i guess i felt kind of good. i had some people say that they wanted to grab lunch sometime and others asking if we could keep them posted about Epic events.
regardless if i can feel good about all of it, all eyes still on God. must remain sober...
anyways, that's what's been going on. we've picked up a couple more people and some more interest, and we're wading through the paperwork to be a university-recognized organization. we'll be trying to get people to the central Epic conference in Dallas in February, and starting up maybe another small group next semester, with events every now and then. but yeah, praise God. i cannot wait to see some of you guys in a little more than a month in San Francisco and to see your love and passion again and hear your stories.
---
an update about my dad - after project, i wanted to change things with my relationship with my dad. i ended up getting really frustrated and wanting to give up, so college was a nice getaway. a while after i left, my dad seemed to be getting better, going to church every now and then. it was funny to me because it wasn't me, but God working. then things hit some lows. my dad ended up in the hospital for a week, and after a couple of days, in the hospital again for two more weeks. it was mainly because he hadn't been taking his meds and was trying to run away from home, saying that our house wasn't safe. the plan was that he would end up in something like a nursing home, an hour away from home. the second time he was in the hospital, they started giving him new meds. the day he got out, my mom went to go drop him off at the nursing home, but she wouldn't leave him there because of the conditions or something. and then, my dad just started getting better. it wasn't supposed to happen, and i wasn't expecting it to, but God is God.
went home for thanksgiving break and my dad did some things i didn't see coming. he would sit down and have conversation with me, make himself food and eat regular meals, go out with us to lunch, and actually intentionally try to be more social and active in our family. he would go to church and keep taking his meds, and he would go to sleep at like 8 when he usually didn't sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning. he was like a new man.
so, yeah :) that's what's been going on at home.
---
thanks for reading. God is good. all eyes on Him.
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