hey, looks like i'm gonna take a break from this whole blogging thing. knowing that i am writing to an audience of any sort has honestly taken a bit of a toll, so i'll just be writing to myself for a while. some stuff might find its way here, but i think i'm gonna try to stay away from specifically writing anything for the public eye.
but things are going well. tremendous grace, San Francisco in a week, more guitar/Bible/prayer/time with God. i really do think i'm being changed.
i'll leave with a song from an album that just came out from the singer from Switchfoot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9T-7RS15kM&feature=related (song doesn't really start until 1:50, just so you know)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
update, thoughts, and relaxation
got back earlier this morning from a week-long cruise to Alaska, probably the most fun i've ever had with family. ate a lot of food and played a lot of basketball. from my journal:
i feel like people go on cruises to get away and forget what they really have to deal with, when really, these things should be worked out beforehand - we shouldn't be hiding from them. that still leaves me rather baffled and hypocritical, because i haven't really worked things out in my head. this was supposed to be my time to relax - and i don't think relax means to live in ignorance of the real world. to relax is to be content with things just the way they are - to be ready to die at any moment, satisfied with everything. relaxing doesn't mean pretending things are fine by surrounding or insulating/isolating yourself with fancy dining, room service, a lack of obligations, and people who will always agree with you. relaxing is when you are painfully aware of the way things are and you know you wouldn't have it any other way, because everything that matters is already taken care of. would you tell me how could it be any better than this? relaxing is lifting your worries up to God and allowing Him to take care of you.
[knowing we have been bought at a price, our salvation has been given to us freely (the very definition of grace - "if by grace then it is no longer of works; otherwise grace is no longer grace" Romans 11:6). knowing that salvation does not come from works doesn't mean we shouldn't work. one can work and be perfectly relaxed at the same time. but our own actions do not change anything - everything is held in God's hand. Jesus asks, who can add a cubit to his stature just by worrying. i think He was saying that we don't help out ourselves by worrying and taking care of things on our own. God is the One who chooses to add or decrease from our stature.]
i fail to relax, thinking life will only be complete until i have pleased everyone, graduated at the top of my class, scored some kind of secure and respectable job, and gotten myself in a relationship. maybe i'm just lonely - but i'm never alone either. we set our sights on the things of this world - when we finally achieve or acquire them, it seems like we should have finally earned the right to relax, when something deep inside of us is missing. we can achieve first class living, a lifestyle free of problems, but it's not relaxing until you touch the heart of God and let His love consume you. how can you be secure with the way things are without first knowing and accepting the omnipotent God who does as He pleases and yet stands by His people.
1 Timothy 6:8-9 - "And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition." verse 17 - "command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy."
i finished a book called Red Moon Rising yesterday about the 24-7 prayer movement and, in the last chapter, some guys from Mexico sold everything they had just so they could go to Europe and join the movement, not sure if they even could. i wondered if i could do that; it seemed so risky, that i would truly be criticized be my friends and family for wholeheartedly pursuing with everything. to give everything away - no fall back plans, nothing but a love for God literally lived out. Jesus did, after all, say that those who love Him will follow His commandments - in fact, why shouldn't they? but maybe, with truly nothing but God, i would begin to relax. i would begin to feel less manufactured, less susceptible to social pressures. when uncomfortable becomes the place i want to be - i will relax and rejoice in all things knowing that God will have His way and the roles of society will be reversed. the blind will see, the lowly will be lifted high. the high who allow themselves to be humbled and moved by their Father instead of their things will be lifted high again. girlfriend or not, successful or not, justified or not, God has the last word. and knowing this - that God has power in His hands and breath and life in His name - must be the basis of relaxation. anything else is ignorance or false security.
---
back at 2 this morning, church at 8:30, worship and more worship. a little frustrating, need to figure out something. anyways, at least looking forward to San Francisco in about two weeks. will be exciting. i thought i wanted to say more in this post, maybe i will later
i feel like people go on cruises to get away and forget what they really have to deal with, when really, these things should be worked out beforehand - we shouldn't be hiding from them. that still leaves me rather baffled and hypocritical, because i haven't really worked things out in my head. this was supposed to be my time to relax - and i don't think relax means to live in ignorance of the real world. to relax is to be content with things just the way they are - to be ready to die at any moment, satisfied with everything. relaxing doesn't mean pretending things are fine by surrounding or insulating/isolating yourself with fancy dining, room service, a lack of obligations, and people who will always agree with you. relaxing is when you are painfully aware of the way things are and you know you wouldn't have it any other way, because everything that matters is already taken care of. would you tell me how could it be any better than this? relaxing is lifting your worries up to God and allowing Him to take care of you.
[knowing we have been bought at a price, our salvation has been given to us freely (the very definition of grace - "if by grace then it is no longer of works; otherwise grace is no longer grace" Romans 11:6). knowing that salvation does not come from works doesn't mean we shouldn't work. one can work and be perfectly relaxed at the same time. but our own actions do not change anything - everything is held in God's hand. Jesus asks, who can add a cubit to his stature just by worrying. i think He was saying that we don't help out ourselves by worrying and taking care of things on our own. God is the One who chooses to add or decrease from our stature.]
i fail to relax, thinking life will only be complete until i have pleased everyone, graduated at the top of my class, scored some kind of secure and respectable job, and gotten myself in a relationship. maybe i'm just lonely - but i'm never alone either. we set our sights on the things of this world - when we finally achieve or acquire them, it seems like we should have finally earned the right to relax, when something deep inside of us is missing. we can achieve first class living, a lifestyle free of problems, but it's not relaxing until you touch the heart of God and let His love consume you. how can you be secure with the way things are without first knowing and accepting the omnipotent God who does as He pleases and yet stands by His people.
1 Timothy 6:8-9 - "And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition." verse 17 - "command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy."
i finished a book called Red Moon Rising yesterday about the 24-7 prayer movement and, in the last chapter, some guys from Mexico sold everything they had just so they could go to Europe and join the movement, not sure if they even could. i wondered if i could do that; it seemed so risky, that i would truly be criticized be my friends and family for wholeheartedly pursuing with everything. to give everything away - no fall back plans, nothing but a love for God literally lived out. Jesus did, after all, say that those who love Him will follow His commandments - in fact, why shouldn't they? but maybe, with truly nothing but God, i would begin to relax. i would begin to feel less manufactured, less susceptible to social pressures. when uncomfortable becomes the place i want to be - i will relax and rejoice in all things knowing that God will have His way and the roles of society will be reversed. the blind will see, the lowly will be lifted high. the high who allow themselves to be humbled and moved by their Father instead of their things will be lifted high again. girlfriend or not, successful or not, justified or not, God has the last word. and knowing this - that God has power in His hands and breath and life in His name - must be the basis of relaxation. anything else is ignorance or false security.
---
back at 2 this morning, church at 8:30, worship and more worship. a little frustrating, need to figure out something. anyways, at least looking forward to San Francisco in about two weeks. will be exciting. i thought i wanted to say more in this post, maybe i will later
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