should have seen this one coming

my running spiel for today - had grace. three miles in, all very fast. amazing. felt great. and i shouldn't be running this fast. truly. must have been God's grace.

well, there's one thing that should be noted. some people get their identities from their jobs or the things that they own or the things that they have accomplished. and it's weird because Christians are supposed to get their identities from God from simply knowing that God loves them and has redeemed them just as He loves and hopes to redeem everyone. so Christians aren't supposed to get their identities or any kind of justification from what it is they do - so getting caught in doing is completely wrong, or, i guess, a spirit of religion. i was talking to daniel recently, and he said that he really wasn't a religious person at all. because it's not supposed to be about the doing; it's just knowing God, which is hard.

so my drives to attend all of these different ministries could certainly be ill-founded, unless God is actually calling me to attend all of these various fellowships. and i would advise to get in the business of knowing and trying to go where God goes instead of simply doing. additionally, the ministries here aren't necessarily alive. as daniel said that everyone here is a Christian, but it is out of a spirit of religion and doing, i am beginning to see it and beginning to be angered because it seems like these people might be screwing things up for the rest of us. i walked around the south oval and saw about five people, distinguished by Christians on Campus t-shirts, passing out tracts. it seems that Christians here don't know how to love on people without telling them about God. they don't know how to engage in actual conversation, how to just hang out and talk with people. they just throw a tract or a DVD or something at someone; they seem disconnected from reality.

so i'm not going to the Christians on Campus dinner tonight. i'm not sure what i'm going to do. try to get a slice of something real, a glimpse of God. not any of this religion stuff, none of this performance-appearance crap, this doing. if i could just go back to my dorm and know...