in the light

my alternative blog. i've got a xanga and another blogger as my sorta deep spiritual experiences , so this is what didn't make the cut - which you know, isn't necessarily any less important, but i'd like to get it out. i don't want to use my xanga simply because...i don't know. i fear being seen as stupid. as being thought less of.

i know from youth group that being real is something you really need to deal with - with God and with friends - it's just, i kind of want to put this somewhere else. so this is what's been going on:

there's this huge battle going on over at YouTube - a guy claiming to be a Christian pretty much called out all of the atheists on YouTube and said "let's battle," so now everyone who is either atheist or simply inclined to disrespect is answering back. and viciously. some are smart, and some just have barks worse than their bites, but they're leaving a mark on people. it kinda stinks, as a Christian, to see this happening, because no one is listening and it was even the first guy who claimed to be a Christian who started it all by pretty much saying that "no rational, sane person" would ever believe what an atheist believes. so everyone is running around with torches and pitchforks about to burn YouTube down.

i would like to run a marathon. running is pretty much, for some reason, what calms me down and helps me think things through, burn off stress, and enjoy the weather. it helps me pray, and to be running fast with the wind and the weather and to feel my legs moving just makes me feel like something is right there. and it helps me think of running the race of faith - for God - because, the race of faith draws so many comparisons to just normal running. or plain normal life - running will teach you a lot of that. how you should run your own race, and be satisfied with your own performance because success is definitely relative, and you would be an idiot not to discipline yourself in your race, and you have highs and lows, and the thing about the Christian race of faith is that as long as you keep running, you're going to be the winner. it says in that Isaiah passage about flying high on the wings of angels that those who wait on the Lord will run without tiring. i think that would be great.

my sister is back from college in Houston, so it turns out that things were great when she came back, and now it's just not as great. the momentous joy of her being back has slowed down, and she spent today watching a couple Alias episodes on my laptop in my room. today is also Christmas. nothing happened today. my expectations were let down. my expectations have been let down a lot - are they a bad thing? i don't know.

i got out of a relationship a couple months ago, and i can't seem to move on. whenever i think romantically, or even whenever i start to feel lonely or like i want to talk to someone who isn't a guy, i feel the pangs of this relationship. i want to talk to a girl. but i have this relationship hanging over my head, and i am convinced that if i start trying to talk to girls, i will only be doing it to replace them with my old friend. or at least i'm convinced that they will think that. you'll probably be hearing about this a lot.

the thing is, i can't manage to convince myself that she's not the one for me. no matter what it is she does, i just keep on believing that it's meant to be, you know. i guess that sounds pretty foolish. i don't know. well, anyway, my friend from OU who invited me to go on his missions trip to Chicago over spring break, gives me advice, and he said that she wants space, and i should pretty much wait for her to choose me, if anything. there was a short time when i was okay with everything. then she kind of came back for a little bit and i got my hopes up right as she left again. i guess that's why they call it a game.

i really want to see Sanctus Real in concert sometime. i am thinking about making that one of my New Years Resolutions. they are great.

i have this college dilemma as well - Rice or OU. i haven't gotten into Rice yet, but i am thinking that if i do get in (i applied early action), i will go. but there is still the case of money, and God, so i am not sure what is going to happen. it's still a pretty big deal to me though.

anyways, it's after midnight, and i'm reading this book by Donald Miller called Through Painted Deserts and i want to get to the part where Donald Miller's friend travels with him up to Oregon and meets his wife for the first time. thanks for reading, and leave your comments if you will. thanks, God bless.